III.I.VIII.Windows to the Soul

Windows to the soul - your curtains are tightly drawn.

I can't see how you're feeling - I know I'm feeling torn

Apart b this not knowing what goes on inside your head

And if it corresponds with all the things you've said.

Sometimes it feels like your words are empty, devoid of meaning

But then maybe it's me who's just not seeing

Something f*****g important, that's constantly eluding my grasp

Not allowing me to understand what goes on behind your mask.

I'd thought you'd let me in; shown me what few others see

Now I know it's not them who were blind; all along, it's f*****g been me.

Reviews

[R J Askew]

Could you change the title, or the first line to avoid the instant rep? I've read it a couple of times and think some of the multi-syllable words slow it down a touch, especially 'co/rres/pon/ding' and 'con/stant/ly e/lu/ding'. Would 'matches all the things you've said' work? And possibly ''constantly beyond my grasp'? It's not changing anything, just cutting the syllabs back a tad. You could strengthen the end by saying, 'all along, but me.' It's a poigiant poem that many, myself included, will nod in agreement with from their own experience. The best part for me is the bitter little twist at the end as you realise your rosy view against the odds was, sadly, perhaps misplaced.