Lillitu 1 (Chapter 1)

Lillitu I

 

“There are just some things that a girl shouldn’t have to go through, and drinking animal blood is definitely one of those things.”

The waiter glared at her stubbornly, his drowned-man’s face twitching in agitation.  He shifted his weight from one stick-like leg to the other and clicked his tongue.

  Lillitu brought her best fake smile to her crimson lips.

“Look, uh, whatever your name was.   I’m here for an important meeting with a

Red Councilman, and I want two, not one but two, of your best carafes of whomever you have on tap back there.  And,” she hissed through her teeth. “I want it fresh, and I want it now.”

The sunken waiter skidded back a step, nearly tripping on his own feet.  His eyes glassed over, creating a look of cataract, and he fumbled for words.

“I’m sorry ma-ma-Mam.  Right away, of course.”

 She watched as he tripped and stumbled, backing out of the room with his head down, bowing every few feet.

She hated when they did that.  Damn, she hated it, but sometimes it was the only way to get any respect.  Generally, she hid the fact that she was a Royal because it caused too much trouble.  She despised all the bowing and cowering. 

            She rested her arms on the table, and took a deep, unnecessary breath.  She stared impatiently at the door.  High-ranking officials always pissed her off.  They never seemed to have any sense of time. 

Probably has something to do with being hundreds of years old, she mused just as an old grey-haired man in deep red robes came bustling through the dark mahogany doors.

She sighed and put her head down on her arms.  The restaurant fell silent, and everyone crawled from their chairs to grovel and bow.  Even the staff paused to touch their heads to the floor in servitude.

Ug, she thought.  He probably enjoys being swooned over all day long.  What a pompous a*s.

As she lifted her head, she watched the grey-haired man shuffle through the room trying not to step on anyone.  His face was deep with wrinkles, and his expression told her it was not going to be a good meeting.  In fact, she knew his sour face very well.  He’d been sporting it around her for years.

She stood and half-bowed to the man, keeping her eyes on his the entire time.  Bursts of well-managed anger lit his sharp blue-grey eyes, and silently scolded her for the inappropriate gesture.

I don’t know why this idiot would expect anything less, she thought.

            With an extravagantly graceful tilt of her head and a smile, she extended her hand to the frumpy-looking man.

“Dear Chairman, what a pleasure to see you again.”

The man didn’t smile back or take her hand.  He stood by his chair, face unwavering, and waited for a waiter to pull it out for him.  No one budged.

That was it.  Her false friendly demeanor evaporated and Lillitu’s aggravation surfaced.  She’d never been a supporter for the stringent rules of Vampire society before, and she found its old-world ways smothering at best.

 “Stand up, will you!” she yelled at the mass of bodies on the floor.  “This is pointless!”

The room stirred, some standing and others unsure of what to do.  Lillitu sighed, pulled the chair out for her guest, and quickly sat herself back down. 

She’d learned early on that attempting to change the council laws never worked.  It only ever got her into the kind of trouble no one could get out of.  It got her harder work, longer hours, and next to no friends.  After all, what kind of Vampire would want to be seen with her?

Snorting, huffing, and rolling his eyes; the Chairman sat in the offered chair.

            Lillitu knew it was all for show.  Normally, he would never have put up with her uncouth attitude, but he didn’t want to appear rude in public.  Vampire society was all about appearances.

The restaurant sprung back to life, conversations a buzz.  The Chairman shifted about in his chair, trying to get comfortable in his layered robes.  He grumbled something under his breath that Lillitu couldn’t make out, but she knew it wasn’t pleasantries.

She sat up straight, waiting.  Her impatience was legendary in Gargotha, but it was obvious the Chairman didn’t care.  He waited until he was fully situated to speak.

“Lillitu, you are rude, and quite frankly if it were up to me you would be expelled from Vampire society all together.”

He smacked his lips together pointlessly.  “Still, as a Priestess, and the only one we have, we let you slide on the formalities from time to time.”

She knew he was only feigning being nice.

He glared at her with his cosmic blue orbs of disdain.  “I, for one, do not approve.”

            She knew he hated her.  He always had.  When she was in school, testing for her priesthood, he’d tried to fail her but her marks were always outstanding.  He’d always made her work twice as hard as the boys, and gave her the more complicated assignments and spells.  She’d spent countless hours studying and she’d managed to graduate, and pass the rigorous blood test to become a Priestess.  Perhaps unlucky for her, she was the first woman to ever succeed at the task.  She always pushed the envelope.         He was still talking to her, but she’d tuned him out.  She figured it was, no doubt, more dribble about how inappropriate and uncouth she was.  She hated Gargotha laws.  Truthfully, she found most of them quite pointless.

“Lillitu!” he raised his voice to power level.  “I’m speaking to you.  Pay attention!”

She fumbled with her empty glass and looked around for her waiter.  “Oh, sorry.  I’m just hungry.   I haven’t eaten all day, and hunger can make a girl forget herself sometimes.”

The councilman smacked his thick puckered lips and started to chastise her, but she cut him off.

“Seriously, I’m famished.  I haven’t eaten all day.  I took the liberty and ordered for us.  I’ve been sitting here for hours waiting on you.”

His frown deepened.  “I’m a busy man.  You should take pride in waiting to speak to a High Councilman.”

He furrowed his wispy grey eyebrows, and cleared his throat noisily.  “Now, pay attention,” he grumbled.  “I have a job for you.”

His voice reminded her of walking through gravel barefoot.  It hurt but it wouldn’t kill you.  He exerted a lot of persuasion when he spoke, especially to those he thought beneath him.  Most normal Vampires wouldn’t be able to detect such subtle nuances, but she knew what to listen for.  She’d seen him do it a thousand times.

She also knew that no job from him would be a good one.  Probably another run to Red Lake with another recruit, she reasoned to herself.  Please don’t let it be.

Over the years, Lillitu had taken several dozen recruits to the Red Lake, but none of them had passed the rigorous blood test required for priesthood.  She’d even tried to help a few of them, but they lacked the aptitude and stamina.  Some of them never made it back, and others were changed forever. 

She hated seeing them fail.  It brought back unwanted memories of her parents and her own treacherous tests.

Lillitu shivered though she wasn’t cold.

A large meaty arm grabbed her shirt and yanked her toward the table.  “I said,” he repeated.  “I have a job for you.”

They were interrupted before the councilman could use his magic on her.  He was very careful in public, and needed to look forgiving, charitable, and kind.

            The waiter had come running from the back with a tray of warm blood.  He was twitching and muttering under his breath about the lateness of the food.  It was obvious he was terrified of offending the councilman and his guest.  A large surge of power could do that to any fledgling in a room.  They became instantly terrified, and most never knew the cause.

The councilman leaned back, smiling at the boy.  His perfect teeth glistened in the light, distracting the view from his angry eyes.

“Its ok man, just pour us a glass each,” he grinned.  “We won’t be here long.  Keep the rest for yourself and the kitchen staff.  You look practically dead.”

“Yes sir,” the boy whispered, trying not to smile gratefully.  He poured two glassed from one of the carafes then hustled away. 

He’s got two out of three so far, Lillitu growled in disgust.  Forgiving, charitable, and . . .  Oh, what’s the point.

“Well, at least he will eat well tonight,” she grumbled.

The Chairman glared at her, obviously outraged at her rudeness.  “I will not tolerate much more of this from you!” he hissed under his breath.

“Oh but councilman,” she smiled, watching the slack, wrinkled skin on his face redden.  “If you talk fast, I would think that you shouldn’t have to.”

            He stared at his untouched drink, collecting himself.  He didn’t want to show his anger in public.  He had a reputation to maintain, and she knew it.  He despised that she always tried to get him to mess up.  It was though she thrived on annoying him.

“Fine then, we have a problem and we need your skills to go and fix it.  There has been-”

“Mind if I drink while you talk,” she interrupted and grabbed her glass.  “I told you.  I’m starving.”

The Chairman snorted, and waved an unconcerned hand at her.  “As I was saying before, there has been trouble, a breach.”

She knew the pause was for effect, but she didn’t let it show.  Breaches were of the utmost importance.  It was unknown what could come through a portal, and that’s what made it so dangerous.  She’d never actually seen anything dangerous fall through, but she knew it had to be accessed.

He rolled his eyes, aggravated.  “Look.  It wasn’t just a breach this time.  It was a rip.”

That did it, she was interested.

 “A rip?  How did that happen?”

“It isn’t really important how it happed as much as it did.  It was probably a student trying to invoke the blood by himself.  Whatever the cause, it has to be fixed.  We need to know what came through, and if it’s dangerous.”

Lillitu sat her empty glass down. 

“So, you want me to call on the blood and seek the answer?  You know I can’t do it.  I’ve expended my source for the next six months.”

            “No,” he smiled wickedly.  “We want you to go and find whatever it was, and then send it back.”

She gulped air that she didn’t need, her face falling.  “Wait, no-”

“Yes,” he smiled, teeth gleaming.  “You have to leave Gargotha and find the source.  Go to the Red River and figure out how to get whatever it is back where it belongs.  You leave today.”

“But,” she protested.

His smile widened.  “If you make it back, you’ll be promoted.  Take your feeder with you, and whatever you’ll need.  We will pay for it all.  You’ll get instructions on where we think the breach occurred, and a purse.”

Every word that poured from his lips dripped with pride.  He just wanted an excuse to get rid of her, and he had it.

“I don’t get to choose for myself if I want to go, I take it.”

He shook his chubby head, wiggling the wrinkles to and fro.  “It is not a choice mission.  You must do it.  If you decline, you’ll be banished.  So, please,” he grinned mischievously, “decline now.”

Lillitu was furious but she grinned back, trying to hide the fact that he’d gotten to her.  She didn’t want to give him anymore satisfaction than he already had.

            “I’m sure you would love that,” she answered sweetly.  “I’ll do it.  Where do I pick up my information?”

Not that I have a choice! she screamed in her head.

The Chairman pushed out his chair, and stood up.  His robes swished and he grunted obnoxiously. 

The room fell to its knees in a silent rush. 

“It’s been delivered to your home.  See that you don’t fail, or get yourself killed.” 

“Oh,” she whispered very softly.  “I’m sure you’d never want something like that to happen.”

His face flushed with mock outrage and he turned and scuttled from the restaurant, opening and closing the heavy doors with his mind.  A gust of cool wind caressed the warm room as the door slammed loudly.

            Lillitu grabbed his drink and downed it, standing as well. He was gone, she was angry, and she didn’t care who else saw.  Her nerves were raw and her hatred brewed inside of her.  She needed to get the hell out of there.

            She started to walk and the room slowly began to rise to their feet.

“Back down on your knees!” she screamed.  “Don’t you know who I am?  Show some respect!”

            The patrons and staff fell to their stomachs, their skin going ashen and their limbs trembling.  A true Vampire of the Red could instill fear into anyone with a perfectly placed word of power.  She didn’t hate them, but she needed an outlet.

“Sheep, all of you!” she yelled at them.  “You have no minds and you can’t think for yourselves!  What is wrong with you?  You make me sick!”

Her voice rose and fell in harmonic screams.  “You are all pointless and naive!”

Stomping through the rows of bodies at her feet, she left the building in the same manor as her predecessor.

She was fuming.  She wouldn’t usually bother taking it out on the town, but today she’d had enough.  She walked down the street, shoving people out of the way.  If she’d been wearing her robes they’d have moved out of her way, but she’d given that up years ago.

Aggravated, she decided she didn’t want to walk anymore.  “Wind!” she yelled into the sky, and disappeared.

Author's Note

This book is a 'finished' book, in so much as I've written it to it's conclusion. Feel free to tear it apart, but please be honest.

Reviews

[ArielMicheline]

i dont have much to say about this other then how much i have enjoyed this book.. it needs a tiny bit of editing but not much. i would eliminate unnecessary conjuctions, and take out what is essentially the same sentence just phrased differently. though again i dont really think all that is necessary it is just my personal preference. i like the level of irritation she seems to exist within, i also like that you feel a sense of injustice that she has no option other then the one he is giving her.

[R. H. Watson]

Sorry, nothing to tear apart. I'm intrigued. Seems to be a vampire story told in the form of a fantasy with taverns, town, spells, and priestesses.

Mostly, I saw small things I would change. There were a few -ly adverbs I'd want to get rid of, like, "[He] cleared his throat noisily." I'd lose, "noisily." Throat clearing is usually noisy; no need to point it out.

I'd look for stuff that slows down the snappy dialogue between Lillitu and the Chairman.

“Mind if I drink while you talk,” she interrupted and grabbed her glass. “I told you. I’m starving.”

The Chairman's preceding half finished sentence already says she interrupted, so no need to say it again.

“Mind if I drink while you talk?” She grabbed her glass. “I told you. I’m starving.”

One other thing. The chapter is written from Lillitu's POV except for this one paragraph that seems to switch to the Chairman's POV:

He stared at his untouched drink, collecting himself. He didn’t want to show his anger in public. He had a reputation to maintain, and she knew it. He despised that she always tried to get him to mess up. It was though she thrived on annoying him.

I'd rewrite it to make it clear that this is something Lillitu knew about him. Maybe just change the last sentence to, "She thrived on annoying him."

Anyway, I like the story. The stuff above may just be the difference between the way I write and you write. I'll be back to read the next two chapters.