If I Don't Remember

Just about a really close friend of mine that I can no longer see.

December.

He went missing in December.

December of 2014.

What was his name..?

Chris…. What?

He never told me his full name.

Why..?

Looks..

How did he look..?

Come on, I have to remember!

What did he look like?!

Why did he never give me a picture?

I have to remember him.

I have to remember the way he’d put people above him.

The way he’d always make sure you were ok.

I have to remember because if I don’t,

If I don’t remember the way he hugged a little tighter,

Laughed a little louder,

Smiled just a little bit brighter,

If I don’t remember how he said ‘I love you’,

Or - or the tone in his voice when he had to leave.

The dullness hiding in his eyes as he acted like everything was fine!

If I don’t remember the last words he said to me..

‘I’m going to try to run.. I’ll get in touch with you as soon as I can.’

‘I love you.’

If I can’t remember that then I’ve failed him..

D****t Chris, I’m trying here.

I really am..

But it gets harder each passing day..

I can’t remember the way you said my name,

Or what the nickname you gave me even was.

I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t worried after you left.

I hate this Boo..

I hate missing you.

I hate choking up and breaking down at the mere thought of you..

I love you Chris..

Please, come home...