Contemplate

   I have often considered life as a unique experience that everyone must go through. Each of us with our own trials, own ways to deal with things, and own instances of embarrassment, hurt, laughter, pain, ext. But there has always been one thing in life that has always fasinated me. That one thing?

   Love.

   Love and I have had a selective relationship. I was adopted by a wonderful family that loves me very much. I have been cared for and given everything I need and most of what I want. My family's love has endured through sickness, fights, money troubles, school trouble, car crashes, and so many more things. I remember when I was seventeen I totaled my car and instead of getting mad my mom held me while I cried and then laughed and took pictures of the sorry little car. That love is so strong that I have never seen anything like it.

   I am not going to tell you this story to make you feel sorry for me, or for you to pity me. I do not believe in pity over silly things such as this. I merely wish to express to you one woman's desperate desire to enjoy a life with someone who loves her. I'm sure many of you feel this way, for even as I write these words I feel a familiar pang in my heart, a familiar burning behind my eyes as I long for this thing that has eluded me.

   My parents have been married for twenty-five years and their love is still so strong. I see them all the time holding hands, smiling at each other, and teasing each other. They will sit together and play video games, watch T.V., read books, all these different things. They love each other so much that it's amazing to me that they have found that love. I have never seen them fight before, they will have playful little spats, but those always end in laughter and smiles.

   As a young girl I was fasinated with fairy tales. I dreamed of a prince to come and sweep me off my feet, to save me from some evil that I would encounter. Of course that was before I felt that longing. In my family there is a rule that you aren't allowed to date until you're sixteen. I never really had problems with that rule, because I was never asked on a date.

   In my religion we have things called stake dances. This is where the congregation of youth, ages fourteen through eighteen get together on a saturday night and have a dance. I was never one of the girls asked to dance during the slow songs. I would stand in the gym of the church and watch as my friends and other people would dance.

   In addition to my sad existence, I was never asked to a school dance. I never went to prom, never went to homecoming, and never went on dates in high school. As a sophmore, having turned sixteen early in the school year, I asked a guy to morp. That was one of the worst nights of my life. That was the one and only date and dance in high school.

   In college, were I currently am, I have been on a few dates, I had two boyfriends for very short amount of time, but they never really amounted to anything. What I mean by this is I was never kissed by any of the men I dated. As a personal choice, and a religious one, I do not believe in pre-marital sex. That's something I want to save for the person that I know I'm going to be with for the rest of  my life, the person that I know for a fact will support me and love me. None of these men supported my decision and the relationships were quickly ended. That is if you can even say that there ever was a relationship.

   So here I am, twenty-two years old, never been kissed and wishing so much for love. A love that is so far out of reach I just don't know if I will ever reach it. There are so many things in life that point out the hopelessness of my wish and dream, yet I still hope against hope. I wish so much for someone to look at me with a special gleam in their eye, I want to feel my heart flutter when he smiles at me. A desperate and silly thing to wish for, but so true.

   Yet even as I sit here I ask myself if I will ever really find that person who will love me for all eternity. I ache to find love as so many have already. So I will fall asleep tonight dreaming of that nameless, faceless someone....

Author's Note

Please tell me what you think. I would really love to know your honest opionion of it. Thank you! :)

Reviews

[Michael X]

Heart touching pondering written with such clarity, the meaning delves into aspects that draw the heart to relate to similar experiences in opposite spectrum and the sincerity brings the sentiment to life, beautifully expressed, you have talent.