Decemeber 12, 2007: Los Angeles, California: 1:32 AM

Smoke steals a precious sapphire.

A dark sillouette crossed the open lan almost undetected. Not a single human suspected anything; it was the animals that noticed. The animals weren't going to say anything so their awareness was of no concern to the intruder. Staying close to the wall, the intruder, commonly known as Smoke, edged toward the desired window. Smoke was there for one thing and one thing only.

The sapphire.

The sapphire was famous. Adventurer Thomas Reams had discovered it while in Brazil. His story was quite extreme. Any person with a brain wouldn't believe it. Of course, this world is filled with people who lack brains. Reams claims he went to relieve himself in the Amazon Rainforest and tripped over what he thought was a rock. While cursing it he noticed it wasn't a rock as he had first thought. It was a blue stone o some sort. A very beautiful blue stone. Being the adventurer he was, Reams took it back to the States with him to get it appraised. When the appraiser heard his story he was astounded that such a precious gem, one as impeccable cut as this one, had been left so carelessly in the middle of a rainforest.

Many questions arose. Why was the sapphire in the forest in the first place? Who cut the stone? Who was the previous owner? These questions and more started off the waterfall, it was the ones that came later that were even more interesting. Did Reams really 'find' it or did he just pretend to? This question offered the most puzzlement in government organizations. Especially the FBI who was investigating gem smuggling into the United States. They began to question Reams, but nothing came of it. Then the two men that had been with him dissapeared mysteriously.

Rumors had floated around that Reams had a temper that, when let loose, caused trouble. No evidence had been found, however, that the people misssing were murdered or that they were really missing at all. And there certainly was no evidence that Reams had anything to do with it. Motive wasn't enough to convict a man; you needed hard evidence.

Many people thoroughly disliked Reams. Many had a score to settle with the man and his 'discovery' of the spphire just added to the list. In the morning, when the media discovered the theft, many would grin over their coffee and say, "Serves him right considering what he did to me." It would cause many people to route for Smoke.

When Smoke reached the desired window the alarm was disarmed and Smoke was free to pass through undetected. Once inside the house it was trickier. Guards patrolled the halls at random intervals and they could pop out of any room unexpectedly. The think that had given Smoke the name 'smoke' was the fact that no one knew Smoke was there. The only evidence that anyone had been there was a black scrap of cloth left in the missing item's place.

Another thing that made Smoke unique was that no one, absolutely no one, had ever met Smoke...at least not knowlegdably. Smoke never delt with anyone directly, only a typed message was used to communicate. Dealers were told the location in which they were to leave their money and when the money was secured another typed message would be discovered. This last message would reveal the location of the desired item.

Smoke quickly navigated through the halls of the mansion and found the secure room. It was unguarded but that didn't mean technology wasn't there. Smoke pulled a small black box from a pouch and held it up against the wall above the biometric access system. A personal invention the black box was designed to break through any system manually without detection. It had been useful many times in the past and had opened a lot of doors. The invention had cut her times down by half.

In two minutes and thirteen seconds the lock released. According to Smoke's research the guards walked the halls randowmly but had to pass the room that held the sapphire every three minutes. In Smoke's opinion it was a nice try but poor execution. If Smoke had wanted something valuable protected there would be guards at the door constantly, three men that would switch shifts every two hours. Walking guards would be required to walk by the door every minute. None of the guards would have biometric access to the vault. This would ensure that if there was an attack, their fingerprints couldnt' be used. If only everyone was as brilliant as Smoke.

Once inside the room, Smoke counted the seconds. it was imperative that te timing be perfect. If not, Smoke would lose invisibility. That could not happen. Smoke's career was dependent on the mystery and invisibility. A reputation took years to build, and a second to destroy. The sapphire was in a glass box nestled in silk. There was no lock and no alarm. 'How stupid is this guy?' Smoke thought incredulouly. 'Did you really think no one would get past your biometric system Reams?' Smoke removed the sapphire and in its place put a black cloth.

Smoke waited the ten seconds before it was safe to go out into the hall where Smoke dissapeared into the night...

Author's Note

Does this need any more description? It's all about informing the reader what's going on and what Smoke does.

Reviews

[Carey Lenehan]

The descriptions are nice and there's plenty of information there. Can you spell check it as the few typos break the flow from the first line 'lan' and elsewhere. Intriguing start to what might turn out to be an interesting story. I like your characters and the crafty 'she' you put in there to give your cat burglar a gender and therefore indicating a non-violent mission with a strong feminine lead. Curious about your haphazard Amazonian explorer too... all good stuff. Plenty of questions to be answered. Nicely done.

[Hoshi Nami]

I don't know if you care about spelling, but I thought I should point out that in the first line i think you ment "lawn" instead of "lan". and "blue stone OF some sort" later on. There are other mistakes but I personally don't care.
Anyway I deeply enjoy mystery stories and I enjoyed getting to know the character Smoke. I think the writing moves a little too fast when Smoke first enters the window, but I deeply enjoyed the humor surronding the finding of the sapphire. Bravo!

[GlaSSeS11GeniuS]

I think that you are really good in describing the location of your story. You gave me a clear picture on the scenes where the characters were. The way you described the sapphire in the text really impressed me. The fact that you can describe a simple thing into such complexity inspired me somehow.

Although, It is true. I wasn't able to clearly depict how Smoke and Reams looked like.

Overall, I think this chapter is quite mysterious. I'll be reading more of this alright/

P.S. Can you also review on my work? I also need suggestions on what I need to improve on because you see, I am not a born writer. I've just started recently because many fanfiction authors inspired me. Kindly visit my profile and give a review if you have time.

[C. C. Burl]

This is certainly an entertaining read! I enjoyed how you gave the background of Reams. Sometimes I don't get enough background when reading a novel and I am disoriented for the rest of the book. This gave just enough information without being pushy or boring about it.

One thing that I think would be good is to add something distinctive to Smoke. Or describe him a little more. He tends to feel a little flat to me, like the typical arrogant James Bond. Add something to him that will make him seem a little more, well, human. A fault, either physical or characterial, is one way to do that; or maybe just an interesting sentence that says something unexpected about his background. Something that leaves people wondering.

But otherwise this is such an enjoyable read! I will surely going on to read the next chapter.