True sadness, at its finest

My sadness right now,

I do not know,

how to describe it.

I feel that I have broken something,

something that matters to me,

and I do not think I can fix it.

I am faking a smile,

trying not to cry,

because I shouldn't be crying,

I feel I have no right to cry,

and that I am,

honestly,

kind of worthless.

Can it be mended?

I do not know.

Can it be worked out?

Probably not.

Can it be forgotten?

Obviously,

one cannot change the past,

and for one to dwell on the past,

will not change a thing,

so I think,

it can't be forgotten.

How could I forget what I have done.

I have broken this family,

and possibly ruined my future,

my parents' marriage is hanging by a thread,

and that is my fault,

and for those reasons,

I feel I should be disowned,

left in foster care,

because I am a murderer,

and my victim was the future of my family.

Of course I will try to change,

and do more chores,

and get better grades,

and make more friends,

and spend more time with my family.

I will keep getting better,

I have to get better,

because without my family,

I might as well be dead.