Everlasting

A Poem by Lilac Lilies

A fictional free verse poem, if that's what you'd call this poem

Exceeding the boundaries of sane morality

So many people are so contrary to me

Oh but honestly

Your lifelong sentence is impossible to execute

There's endless possibilities

That I can see

Across different places

I've always wondered

For this place

What will be the next thing so crazy

© 2022 Lilac Lilies

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Reviews

JayG

Your letters to your friend somehow got lost in the mail and were delivered to our writing group. Unfortunately, since we know neither you nor your friend, reading of how you remember them induces no emotion in our hearts, other than perhaps, "Aww... poor baby." and I doubt that was your goal.

So a suggestion. If this truly was intended for us, then focus on the reader, not your friend. And since you're giving your reader a gift of your tears and joy, phrase your missive so the reader weeps and laughs with you because you make them recall those situations in their own life. In other words, don't tell us how you feel, make us feel that way.

People don’t read poetry to learn how we feel today. They don’t care about our feelings. It’s how you make THEM feel that matters. Use your words well, and you can make someone you’ll never meet, laugh, cry, or feel any human emotion. The goal is to make them say, “wow!” not, “Uh…okay.

• A fictional free verse poem, if that's what you'd call this poem

First, this, as is most of your posted work, is about you and your life. So: fictional?

Next: How many “nonfiction poems” are there? It’s a poem. Period. And if you haven’t taken the time to learn even the kinds of poetry there are, you’re doing yourself a significant disservice.

Remember all those reports and essays you were assigned in school? They were meant to train you in writing the nonfiction style writing we need on the job: nonfiction. Poetry, structured or unstructured, uses a very different approach. Instead of talking TO the reader—informing them—we make them feel and care. So toss the fact-based and author-centric approach you’re now using and dig into the emotion-based approach of the poet. If nothing else, it makes writing poetry more fun.

Download Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook from the address below and try a few chapters. It will amaze you, and open doors you weren’t even aware there are—like why we choose to use the word rock, as against stone, and vise versa, depending on the situation.
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

But whatever you do, hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

Posted 2 Years Ago

So a suggestion. If this truly was intended for us, then focus on the reader, not your friend. And since you're giving your reader a gift of your tears and joy, phrase your missive so the reader weeps and laughs with you because you make them recall those situations in their own life. In other words, don't tell us how you feel, make us feel that way.

People don’t read poetry to learn how we feel today. They don’t care about our feelings. It’s how you make THEM feel that matters. Use your words well, and you can make someone you’ll never meet, laugh, cry, or feel any human emotion. The goal is to make them say, “wow!” not, “Uh…okay.

• A fictional free verse poem, if that's what you'd call this poem

First, this, as is most of your posted work, is about you and your life. So: fictional?

Next: How many “nonfiction poems” are there? It’s a poem. Period. And if you haven’t taken the time to learn even the kinds of poetry there are, you’re doing yourself a significant disservice.

Remember all those reports and essays you were assigned in school? They were meant to train you in writing the nonfiction style writing we need on the job: nonfiction. Poetry, structured or unstructured, uses a very different approach. Instead of talking TO the reader—informing them—we make them feel and care. So toss the fact-based and author-centric approach you’re now using and dig into the emotion-based approach of the poet. If nothing else, it makes writing poetry more fun.

Download Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook from the address below and try a few chapters. It will amaze you, and open doors you weren’t even aware there are—like why we choose to use the word rock, as against stone, and vise versa, depending on the situation.
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

But whatever you do, hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

Rating /100