The Lonely Girl...

I was sad so here's my poem...

I See A Girl... She's as white as snow. Her Hair is as black as charcoal. Her eyes are a deeper blue then the arctic ocean. The Tears Down Her Face are as light as the blue in the sky. Her clothes are shades of darkness. Her shirt is Purple,with rings of black. Her pants are Ripped with red stains on the legs. her shoes are old and warn out. She has bruises all over her arms. She has cuts on her wrists. She has black around her eyes. And she has no bag to hold her books in. I sit and wonder who that girl is... Oh Wait... Thats Me...

Author's Note

Well idk relly srry...

Reviews

[Matsu_Glare13]

Hello there. I'm not sure if you'll read this, but i'll somehow try. Don't be sad. I know i'm being too familiar with you but i can't help it. Okay i'll be direct to the point. If you need help, i'll be just right here. Stop feeling alone. There are people who can help you out there. And i am one of them. :)

[Raef C. Boylan]

I like the build-up you've created here, and we can see that you've tried hard to provide descriptions so that the reader can visualise what you want to portray; however, they're a little bit stale. I'd recommend going back over this and trying out some alternative images.
e.g. of what I mean:

"She's as white as snow."
This simile has been way overused; what else is white? Salt, milk, maggots...or, if the snow part is important, include it in an original way like 'as white as a fresh duvet of snow, 'as white as a tattered snowman'.
Mine are lame, but I'm just giving you an idea of what I mean.

"Her Hair is as black as charcoal."
You can get away with this, as long as you make the others original; I'm thinking there might be a connection between 'charcoal' and your burnt-down house?

Hope this has been helpful. Let me know how you get on.
Welcome to WC.

p.s.
"her shoes are old and warn out." [Her] [warn = worn]
"Thats Me..." [That's]