Her Last Words-Courtney Parker

A Story by Quaint Lil Lady

She lightly tapped the mutilated skin of her wrist, feeling the ice cold sensation zapping through her fingers from the ice bath she had been sitting in. Her finger tips trailed over the livid, destroyed flesh, the numb surface barely registering her touch. She shuddered as she saw the glint of her scalpel lying on the stark white faucet of her bathroom, the silver blade and its tainted red hue protruding through even the blank white of the large bathroom. Her eyes dropped to the black box near the scalpel-her phone. She silently died a little more inside as she saw the sensor blinking red, not green or blue, and she realized she wasn't going to die with a worried text or message from anyone, but a dying phone.

"Perfect." She laid her head back in the tub and stared blankly at the ceiling. Her brothers weren't home, and she had made sure to make them stay at her friend Andy's house for the weekend. That way the first person who would find her was the a*****e of a cleaner who was supposed to check the rooms every Sunday. For some reason she only thought it fitting.

Selfish. A low chuckle erupted from her throat as she laughed inwardly at that. Selfish? Ungrateful. Ah it was never enough for anyone. As far as anyone was concerned, Renee had the issues and Renee was the problem. From a little girl to now the only thing that has ever mattered to anyone was how they felt.

Her phone rang, the low tune of Stay echoing into the bathroom. Instead of picking it up, she lay silent, listening deeply to the heart wrenching lyrics. She felt her cuts open up a little wider as she felt her weak heart beat grow a little stronger, her mind flashing by with thoughts of her beloved mother.The warm tear streaming down her frigid cheek woke her up, startled at the sudden warmth her body was able to produce.

Weakly, she reached over and grabbed the phone, almost dropping it with the dangerous tremors from her freezing body.

"Hello?" She croaked into the phone.

"Hey! I just got off from doing a few things I wondered if you wanted to hang out or something. Watch a movie... Game a lil?"

She sulked at the voice. "Where have you been?"

"Hey... I've just been doing a few things ok. I just needed some time. I thought you'd like to meet up."

"Do you know how many days it's been?"

He sighed deeply on the other end of the phone, and she could tell it wasn't a sigh of sadness but frustration. "Look. I'm trying with you ok. I just couldn't deal with your s****y attitude. It's always the same thing and nothing really changes for us. I mean... look you're ok once you fix a few things but... I'm tired of having to be the last choice you know."

Silence hovered over the line. She listened to the anger in his voice. Just pure anguish. No sense of rational thinking or any steady sense of reasoning. "I have to go now."

"Are you f*****g kidding me? See this is why i can't stand you Renee. You act like such a b***h. Like yeah you going through a lot of s**t but jeez f*****g toss it aside for me for once. And come on," he lowered his voice and ditched the anger for something more seductive. "You know we haven't done anything in awhile and I've been thinking about you so much and.."

Plunk. She dropped the phone into the bath, she had only now realized the red cascade of water encasing her body. She felt her life being slowly sucked out into the cold, bloody water surrounding her.

There was no strength to cry, no strength to write some pity note saying she was sorry. Because she wasn't sorry. She didn't care. There was no mutual connections left attached to anyone in particular. It was over. As far as she knew, the way she felt now, has been the most euphoric and comforting sensation her body had ever experienced. No one would miss her or her selfish attitude, nor her s****y ways, or her ungrateful manner. No one would miss her burdening them with her bad habit of complaining, or not complaining enough. They wouldn't miss her attention seeking ways, or her constant search for self pity.

What did they f*****g want?

Talk? Don't talk. What difference did it make? No one ever listened. No one ever tried to make it seem like they cared. It was all about her making them feel small. Even while all the while she was virtually dying inside, rotting to the bone and festering with disgust for what she had grown into. All the while becoming physically ill but still no compassion. So much self hate... So much self regret and misunderstanding... so little knowledge of who she was or why she did what she did.

As she grew weaker, the fingers started forming in her narrowing line of vision.

"You. You. You. It's all your fault," one by one they uttered to her. "You caused all of this. And you will never escape your horrid life. You aren't even worth a proper goodbye. You're just completely worthless you insolent, insecure whooorrreee!" The screeching, bellowing lips were forming above the fingers, and their pitch felt like someone dropping a thousand glass vases, each one having its own individual impact echoing through the dying chasms of her mind.

She moaned softly, pain sipping into her chest, her vision becoming more and more faded by the second, her heart beat becoming non-existent, her breath forming wisps of white feathers in front of her.

So this was it. This was what someone had to do to feel better about their life. This was what someone had to do to escape the trauma, the pain, the stabbing, the heart wrenching blaming and bashing. This was what she had to do to be happy...

She listened as her door opened, and his voice echoed through the house, barely breaking the screams of the voices in her head. And as they said all her flaws, as they echoed her mistakes, as they broke down her failures and how much of a worthless c**t she was, she smiled maniacally as he opened the door.

"Babe?" he sad it softly almost scared, and as he looked at her bloody, watery casket, and her mutilated wrists, her left hand barely attached, and only the sliced bits of flesh dangling from the bone that she couldn't properly break off, he screamed into the silence, those beautiful eyes that she loved so much widening into pure and utter horror. "No! What have you done?! Why have you done this?! No!"

He rushed to the tub, grabbing her naked body and fitting into his arms, drenching his clothes with her blood. He cried silently, while the voices screeched incessantly over his futile sobs. and she thought.

You're not crying for me... You're just scared.

"Why?" He sobbed. "Why would you do this?"

She turned her eyes towards him, the only thing she could move at this point. A soft whimper echoed from her throat.

"Because... I'm finally happy."

Her last words gushed out of her dying body, her last breath. Her final words, a testimony of what she had always wanted.

Needed. In her distraught life.

Happiness.