Close to You

From America to England. Pieces of that first day, etched into my soul.

It isn’t a life, if it is to be lived without you.

The time we spent together meant so much to me, you.  It meant the world, and indeed it was.    

That fateful day at the airport, when you took me into your arms.  Finally released from customs after that torturous five hour delay.  Five hours of not knowing. "Would they let us in?  Would I be sent back, without even a glimpse of you."

I had been scared, and running on adrenaline.  Chir and I had just been released from the border interrogations; sent out of the room that had been our prison for the day.  "Freedom, finally, they let us go!"  Chir and I -two sisters from America, lost to the world maybe, but discovering our dreams.  Our first time to Europe, our first time anywhere.  The rush of being in England after being held in interrogation for so long was searing through my thoughts.  "Where are we going?  Away from this!  Where is he?  He will be here to meet us.  Where are you...you!"  Everything was a blur, a haze.  I couldn’t comprehend anything; not the people, not the noise and bustle of the airport, all I could think was “Run!”  “I want to run!  To run away!”

That's when I saw you, as you saw me.  You were standing up, out of the crowd, stepping towards me as I paused and watched you.  It was unreal, it was happening so fast.  All this time apart.  Months, seasons since we had last seen each other.  Now …it was you, heading towards me.  “You are real, you are here!”  I was running, I was falling into your arms.  Shocked to feel you close, close to me. 

We left the airport, heading to the underground.  The way -you knew your way.  "Following you, stay close."  

You lead the way and we were off, through the most foreign of experiences.  Thought and emotions and stress of the day were rife in my mind.  “I am shaking, I am scared, I have flown for days and a night to be here, I have been held all day in customs, threatened with deportation, and accused of so many things..."Is it real?  Am I really here?  Is this you?  Please, don’t reject me, don’t, I am a mess I know, my face and hair, from traveling so long so far.... No?  You...I love you....you, is it really you?  Are you really here for me?  Do you still...love me?”

Staying close to you, struggling with the luggage, feeling guilty for not carrying the heavy one.  “You...thank you for getting it for me...is it this way to the next platform? No the other way?  I'll follow you, I don’t know where to go, and these people… forever more people.  Shoving and cramming into the underground, the tunnel is lined with them and there are so many!  So many different faces, I haven’t seen this many… before.”

Onto the train we crammed, people pushing into me and separating us.  I grabbed the handrail.  “Is this how you do it?  You hold on?  I've never been in one of these...."  We were silent as the noise of the train took over, it didn’t sound so loud, but I suddenly couldn’t hear anything but the noise.

I looked at you, blushed and looked away.  You smiled ever so slightly, as if to say  "It's okay.”  Was that it?  Or was it your own slight insecurities, barely showing through your ever so cool demeanor?  I couldn’t tell, and in the chaos of the underground, all I knew was you.  “This is real?  This is a dream!  No, it's real, oh I need to calm down, my heart is racing."  

The subway, jolting to a stop, people clearing and shoving, then somehow I was near you again.  "Close enough to feel you, to smell your leather, your cologne."  I felt better next to you.  You looked straight at me again, as our eyes met.  You were looking through me, as though studying me -my soul.  My nervous heart fluttered then calmed.  Your presence; like soothing water over my fearful spirit, protecting me from my own thoughts and fears.

Off the train and through the chaos of the platform stations.  People; blocking tunnels, and announcements blaring through the speakers.  Delays at Victoria pushed us into taking a different route.  "Following you, won't get lost, this luggage is so heavy..."  Around a corner, up the tunnel, suddenly we were out and into the night.  Into the dark and busy streets of the heart of London. A slight mist was falling through the warm damp air, and under dark blue sky the yellow glow of the lamps formed shadows along the brick and concrete buildings.  The Parliament and Big Ben stood keeping an imposingly watch on the crowds and cars sped by; splashing puddles on us.  Seven ominous bongs came from the clock tower as we hurried through the rain towards the next underground.

  

Finally away from the city, off the trains, and at your house.  How different it was here, so far from London, out of the city.  It was just as I knew it would be, only different somehow, perhaps because it was real, and I was finally there.  My thoughts wildly made the adjustment from the chaos of the day, to the silence of the night, outside your house.   “It is real, it is here, with me now.  Just like you.  Oh you…”  

You showed me my room, and we sat on the bed.  It was different.  Everything was different.  I was safe.  

"Finally.

Right here, with you.  Oh you, please, please don't go."

I was close to you, so close.  Alone, silent for a moment as our eyes met, and I drew closer into your arms.  I closed my eyes and felt you near, then silently your lips gently touched mine.  My heart skipped a beat.  It wasn't the fireworks that I'd had months before, in November -our first kiss, my first ever kiss.  That had been a moment alive, living, breathing with meaning.  This though, was no first kiss.  It was wonderful, breathlessly so, only different.  Instead of pure curiosity and unknown, it was a sense of comfort, belonging, you accepting me, loving me!  I felt wanted and welcomed completely into your arms -your life.  Complete, at last with you.  I sighed into you and my fears faded.

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Late that night, thoughts crowded my head.  The trauma from Heathrow customs played through my mind.  Just before sleep I’d see them there.  The customs border interrogators.  Accusing me, reading my journals, threatening to deport us.  I jerked awake suddenly and lay alone and silent in the dark.  Then I heard a knock on the door.  “You?”   It was you, you came into the room and into my thoughts and the day’s events disappeared from my mind.  " I just wanted to give you this" You said quietly, handing me a small paperback.  "Thanks...you" I whispered, taking it from your hand.

You saved me from my fears that night.  Drifting to sleep, my last thoughts were of you.  

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Author's Note

It's a journal entry, in the format of a book. There were so many things that happened on this trip, I'm just now starting to write about them. I might do more stories, describing London and other places we went in Europe, in future chapters; or diary entries.