The enterprise of she; Insane

I watch the slow progression, the yellow-gold rays
of a bright and magnificent sun.
I never knew I'd be so afraid
to know and learn you're the one.
I've been counting down the nights and long days,
placing perpetual numbers on an eternal page.

My heart spills out slowly upon this page,
it falls carelessly on the math like an insignificant raise,
the knowledge I earn on my off days
staring blankly at the sun.
I know I'm the only one
who could ever feel this afraid.

I'm afraid
of the love on this page
and the numerals: Three... tick... two... tock... one...
In my soul I feel the beaming rays
of a blissful sun,
but I'm still losing my hold over the days.

Done counting the days,
I know you're afraid.
My father... my lover... my son
an essence real only on the page
where the mathematics and rays
add to the whole: one.

We are one,
our days
and my petty raise
make us forget to be afraid
of operations on a page:
medicine for the forever setting sun.

Watching the sun,
I'm the only one
who's left to read this page;
I'm forced to face the days
although I'm afraid,
barred and blinded by the radiant rays.

The rays of the summer sun
remind me not to be afraid, we're down to three... two... one...
Together we'll count the days, and write minuscule numbers on a never-ending page.