She Had No Idea

A Poem by LifelessPawn

Wrote this when I was 16.

Seriously... Im sick of living another blind day. I keep repeating to myself, "she has no idea... she has no idea..." But then again maybe she does and thats the reason for this whole thing. For all these goddamn scars and dramatic cliff hangers. Its not a question of "if" but of "how long." How long will it be this time? How long can YOU stand for without the feelings we give each other every odd month or year. Im waiting for that time, patiently plotting a way to keep myself from trying to get revenge. Its not worth it. Any of it. Not at all. LOVE... such a f*****g blur. Its a trick- its got to be. But why is it that everytime I swear Im over you, you swear your over me, and we go back to the same day- you crying, your beautiful face revealed as your mascara runs down your eyes to your chin, and fall on my shoulder of which seems to be there always at the perfect time for you to cry. But dont be fooled, this is only an anual thing for her. She'll go back to the whole heartbreaking and act tomorrow. and forever. Its almost pitiful. You do such a good job at what you do... what you do... Would I be this high and outcasted if you were still here to keep me clean? I cant be selfish and blame you as the source of these actions, but they are a reaction to the way you have been acting. Or not acting. So one day, maybe many years from now, she's going to be all alone. Looking back at pictures and memories of us together. All the others of her shallow thoughts and slaves names will be forgotten, long forgotten. I will be long gone. She will wipe those same tears off her face, falling from her aged and worn, no longer beautiful face- to her chin- to the ground without my shoulder there. Growing tired and remembers those years of true love, now long gone. She then looks out her window and repeats in an old, soft, beaten voice... "I had no idea... I had no idea..."