Sorry Dad

Its the Summer of 1979
Its been a long time coming I guess
But I hadn't realised
There was anything wrong
It was hard
Being a girl
Going up to comp
Without a mum
I sort of reject you
I rejected everyone
Decided if my mum didnt
love enough to stay or take her with me
Then really how much of a person could I be
I was lost
I was very angry
You didnt understand how to bring up 2 teenage daughters
That wasnt your fault I guess
Though you could of been more understanding at times
You were hurt
She took everything you had
2 sons and a daughter
But dad we were here
To iron your shirts and cook your tea
Never complaining
Didnt you wonder why I stayed at my friends
Was it one
Maybe two
Maybe three times
A wekk
They were a family
And we could of been
You just didnt know how
You needed a women to hold your hand to make you strong

Its the summer of 1982
Well you met your lady
You fell maddly in love
(she was better than some of the ones you picked up from that dating site for sure)
Wasnt long before you got married
 Think you could of told me differently but I guess you didnt know how
I liked her and life became organised, settled
Me and her were friends
Something I didnt know from my own mum who even when I got to see her
Didnt seem to be too bothered with me
She never once said she missed me

Its the summer of 1983
Im leaving school
Thankgoodness I hated it
Or thats how it felt at the time
I felt suffocated
I felt unwanted
I felt stupid because you always compared me to my over intellegent sister
You had had problems with me stealing in the past
But that was over years ago
You still didnt trust me
That hurt
When Nan died it screwed me up big time
She was the only person who had loved me unconditionally
She was my everything but i knew she was old and had to go
Feeling lost
I need to run
At college in the next town where mum and the rest live
So I leave a note and run away

Its 2000 sept
Im sorry
I ment to come home
Its been so long
Its not like you ever hurt me intentionally
You just didnt understand
And I was mute
Scared to express all those feelins inside
Your funeral was sad
17 long years spread out in front of me
Where that time had gone who knows
Wrong turnings
misunderstandings
Bad relationships
But I am sorry

Its summer 2011
Ive come to term with a lot of things in  my life now
Ive learnt how important and special I am
I still go visit your lady she is still special n so many ways
I love mum
She made mistakes too
But dont we all
You were wrong to stop me seeing her
It made me want her more than I should
It made me run away
Not just from you
But from myself
Well Dad
Id just like to say happy fathers day
I love you dearly
And thankyou for the sacred moments of childhood
I still remember
This all I needed to say .........

Author's Note

just popped back cos i know lily will need a tissue when she reads this - not just for lily anyone just help themselves x

Reviews

[Richielee]

oh Pebs, i'm welling up here, so so brilliant and matter of factly wrote, i adore your longer pieces and today you have served up some sterling work,always a fan,always a friend x