Clearest Nights

emptying my imagination

Clearest Nights

          There is a field, lying beneath a full, luminescent moon. A moon ten times bigger than any star I've ever seen. It offers a welcoming glow, dazzling everything in its view in a pale, shimmering silver.

            In this field, this field I know, it is perpetually midnight. A light, cool breeze occasionally sways through the tall grass and flowers. The flowers there are beautiful in the night sky's gaze, opening up into worlds of navy blue or royal purple. But sometimes you'll catch a glimpse of a cluster of petals white as snow and as pure as a cherub's soft, sweet face.

            Crickets chirp softly, somewhere, off in the distance while I settle down my quilt from home. A quilt with everyone's name that I hold dearly stitched into the warm fabric with crimson yarn. Lazily strolling over to sit beside me is my companion, the albino lion. He nods once, and then curls around my quilt, resting his massive head on his paws .

            I retrieve my pen, my paper, and I begin to write.     

Author's Note

I was working on my descriptive writing for this one, but still wanted to keep it kind of short. This is a description of one of my mental places I go in my head to write.

Reviews

[Moon]

This is a beautiful and sort of magical piece. Nice write!

[LunarSong]

I love it, great use of adjectives! You have an albino lion in one of your mental places?

[RachelReaper]

*sighs* That's not even the half of it.

[LunarSong]

Cool :)

[Amaya Sullivan]

I am in love with your description of the moon and open field. It is like the same field I see outside my office window when I write. I would never go sit out in the open field, but I go out on my porch. Your description is amazing. You are only 14?! Wow, continue writing because you have serious talent.

[RachelReaper]

thank you, that's the best compliment I've gotten all week.

[Chidoriflower]

................wow

[RachelReaper]

:)

[Chidoriflower]

:D

[Surrealist]

I can envision this place in my head :) I like what you did at the end, where it's unfinished but continuing. Some advice for descriptive writing: I think you could really add a lot here, maybe instead of dedicating one sentence to each part or detail you could do each paragraph. I want to know everything about this field, the dirt, the feel of the air, is it muddy? what kind of grass? are the lion and crickets the only animals? Don't be afraid to describe the negative aspects, although you do a great job with the beautiful ones, I think sometimes the ugly things make for great contrast in descriptive writing. :) great job!

[RachelReaper]

thank you Surrealist :)

[theking]

I would first like to thank you for joining my group, as you have taken the first step to being reviewed on a more regular basis. Remember, once you are reviewed by someone you must pay them the same courtesy. This is important to maintaining a mutually beneficial environment in this group.

Now, onto the review. Until I read the authors note, I was kind of like "what the heck am I reading?" but now I am actually greatly appreciative of the piece. For working on descriptive writing, you did a good job, and as a description of your "zone" you go into when you write is beautiful, symbolic, and full of that figurative language you were looking for when writing this.

Normally, I would critique you on the actual story telling elements of it that are missing, such as obvious things like the plot, but considering that this was just a practice of descriptive writing I feel like it would be unfair of me to do that. There is one sentence, however, that I did have a problem with. "The flowers there are so beautiful in the night sky's gaze, most open up into worlds of navy blue or royal purple." this one sounds forced and the combination with saying "so beautiful" doesnt really match what comes after the comma. I would just work a little on the structure of some of your sentences. Other than that, great job!

Keep up the good work, and rate my review if you found it helpful :)

[RachelReaper]

first of all, thank you for taking the time to read this. You know what? I think I like you, especially for recognizing that this really was just a descriptive piece of writing, and also for your critique. I'll review you back,I always do when someone reviews my work. If I may ask, how long have you been on WC?

[theking]

I have been on here for 3 days

[RachelReaper]

ok, I see. :)

[InsanityWriter]

Beautiful picture painted here... I love it. :)

[RachelReaper]

thanks

[AlwaysCasey]

Very descriptive. I could pictured it in my mind and could almost feel the breeze and hear the slow breathing of the lion. Beautiful.

[RachelReaper]

thank you

[Horizon K.]

I like the peacefulness and pleasant warmth this place has, there is something about a pure evening had in a place like this that feels like clarity as well, a great place for writing! The only thing is your description of the moon being ten times bigger than the stars...my scientist mind is arguing with this... Ten times seems not near enough to compare with those night sky stars... But if you were comparing it to our nearest and dearest star, the sun... Well that would be an amazing moon...

[RachelReaper]

yes, I was comparing it to the relative size of what our sun looks like in the sky, making it only appear to be ten times bigger than that. :) Thank you for your review Horizon.

[Horizon K.]

Oh ... Now that's magical:)

[RachelReaper]

:D

[Zahra]

nice descriptions and imagery. Could be a prose poem as leslie said. Good job.

[RachelReaper]

thank you :)