Why I Was Kicked out of Twilight

another parody-like thingy

Why I Was Kicked Out of Twilight

1. Telling Bella, "Wow, you look like death, when's the baby due?" After she'd already had her baby and changed into a vampire.

2. Slapping Alice in the face and asking if she "saw that one coming".

3. Loudly thinking about Bella and Jacob makin' puppies around Edward until he ran from the room crying.

4. Asking Bella why she bothered marrying a hundred and nine year old virgin.

5. Asking Jacob why he bothered falling in love with a girl that was obviously the most awkward, klutzy thing ever to walk the universe with the inability to close her mouth over her buck teeth, and then why he fell in love with her infant daughter, diagnosing him with a case of raging pedophilia.  

6. Telling Victoria she's a soulless ginger with a bubblegum face.

7. Making a video of Edward and Bella super-sparkly-vamped out-animal drinking in the woods, posting it on YouTube, and calling it, "A New Way to Hunt".  

8. Making constant blond jokes around Rosalie, such as, "What do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you? Pull the tab and throw it back! *Mee-hawhawhaw!*"

9. Hosting an annual paper-cut party just for Jasper... wondering afterwards if that was going too far...

10. Throwing a baby shower for Bella, buying all red balloons with little plastic devil horns on the top that say "Demonoid", and playing Marilyn Manson CDs the whole time.

Author's Note

tell me what you thought. I think its worthy to note that I actually love Twilight, which is what made this all the more necessary.

Reviews

[The Invisible Girl]

This was hilarious!!! :D Love it!!! :D 100/100

[Alexa Tasch]

Oh Goodness I hate Twilight with a passion and this was hilarious!! I loved it!!

[Baby Ricochet]

A girl I was seeing wanted me to read the first twilight book. I kinda wanted to see what all the mania was about and I liked this chick enough to be persuaded so I did. I hated it. I thought, I'm a grunt, what in the hell do I know about teen Romance novels and that was the end of it. The girl I'm seeing now has a twilight poster over her bed. I've not looked at it to closely. I'm distracted by other things when I'm in that room so I couldn't tell you what's on it but I know this much. If she wants me to watch the DVD, I think I'm gonna say no thanks.

[RachelReaper]

Richochet... you know as much as I love Twilight I really believe you'd hate it. lol about the poster because I have a Twilight poster over my bed, too. haha thanks for commenting

[Ohhhwillow]

Awesome haha, this made me chuckle!

[RachelReaper]

thanks for reading this Willow!

[Dark Rider]

XD Finally! Someone who wants to do what I want to do to Twilight! This is just AWESOME. I love it.

[RachelReaper]

thank you!

[Dark Rider]

You're welcome! ^^

[Bella Luna]

Wow, this is the funniest thing I have ever read! I actually enjoy Twilight too, but this is just perfect haha

[RachelReaper]

thank your for reading Bella!

[Bella Luna]

:)

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

I love twilight so I see this as funny because I know exactly what your talking about

[RachelReaper]

thank you for reading

[Art Lover/Love Writing]

Ur welcome

[Mary]

Not a big twilight fan... all the more reason to enjoy this. Thanks so much for my morning belly laugh!

[RachelReaper]

:)

[Chidoriflower]

HAHAHA!!! Hilarious. **Sparkles.****

[RachelReaper]

lolz

[C.C. Marx]

BAHAHAHAHAHA this was amusing Rachel, twilight had it coming!!

[RachelReaper]

thanks for reading CC

[C.C. Marx]

No problemo, had a good laugh!!