Why I Was Kicked out of Twilight

another parody-like thingy

Why I Was Kicked Out of Twilight

1. Telling Bella, "Wow, you look like death, when's the baby due?" After she'd already had her baby and changed into a vampire.

2. Slapping Alice in the face and asking if she "saw that one coming".

3. Loudly thinking about Bella and Jacob makin' puppies around Edward until he ran from the room crying.

4. Asking Bella why she bothered marrying a hundred and nine year old virgin.

5. Asking Jacob why he bothered falling in love with a girl that was obviously the most awkward, klutzy thing ever to walk the universe with the inability to close her mouth over her buck teeth, and then why he fell in love with her infant daughter, diagnosing him with a case of raging pedophilia.  

6. Telling Victoria she's a soulless ginger with a bubblegum face.

7. Making a video of Edward and Bella super-sparkly-vamped out-animal drinking in the woods, posting it on YouTube, and calling it, "A New Way to Hunt".  

8. Making constant blond jokes around Rosalie, such as, "What do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you? Pull the tab and throw it back! *Mee-hawhawhaw!*"

9. Hosting an annual paper-cut party just for Jasper... wondering afterwards if that was going too far...

10. Throwing a baby shower for Bella, buying all red balloons with little plastic devil horns on the top that say "Demonoid", and playing Marilyn Manson CDs the whole time.

Author's Note

tell me what you thought. I think its worthy to note that I actually love Twilight, which is what made this all the more necessary.

Reviews

[WingsToFly]

hahahaha! I'm not fond of twilight but really enjoyed your write. Keep it up. :)

[emoALEX;3]

Hahahahahahahahahaha given that I am a HYGE twilight fan, this made it even funnier. 2, 5, and 9 had me literally laughing out loud. Fantastic!!

[RachelReaper]

thank you for reading :)

[Leslie Philibert]

This is great for so a young writer. Fine job

[TurtleClark]

LOL this just made me feel soooooo much better

[RachelReaper]

haha I'm glad thanks for reading

[Pax]

lol... your sense of humor my friend is really great keep it up.

[RachelReaper]

thank you for reading Pax.

[David the writer]

Lmao, thought I wouldn't like this but I was wrong

[RachelReaper]

thanks for reading :)

[David the writer]

Np thanx for sharing

[Holly Mason]

this is quite funny and interesting
love it
thank you for sharing

[Britt]

hahahhaa, this made me laugh. I hope you write more like these. :3

[RachelReaper]

Thanx buddy!

[AnonymousLad]

Not having read twilight, most of these references flew way over my head. However, I still enjoyed this and can appreciate the humour. Well done!

[Summer'sBreeze]

I love Twilight, but this had me laughing so hard! XD