Why I Was Kicked out of Twilight

another parody-like thingy

Why I Was Kicked Out of Twilight

1. Telling Bella, "Wow, you look like death, when's the baby due?" After she'd already had her baby and changed into a vampire.

2. Slapping Alice in the face and asking if she "saw that one coming".

3. Loudly thinking about Bella and Jacob makin' puppies around Edward until he ran from the room crying.

4. Asking Bella why she bothered marrying a hundred and nine year old virgin.

5. Asking Jacob why he bothered falling in love with a girl that was obviously the most awkward, klutzy thing ever to walk the universe with the inability to close her mouth over her buck teeth, and then why he fell in love with her infant daughter, diagnosing him with a case of raging pedophilia.  

6. Telling Victoria she's a soulless ginger with a bubblegum face.

7. Making a video of Edward and Bella super-sparkly-vamped out-animal drinking in the woods, posting it on YouTube, and calling it, "A New Way to Hunt".  

8. Making constant blond jokes around Rosalie, such as, "What do you do if a blond throws a grenade at you? Pull the tab and throw it back! *Mee-hawhawhaw!*"

9. Hosting an annual paper-cut party just for Jasper... wondering afterwards if that was going too far...

10. Throwing a baby shower for Bella, buying all red balloons with little plastic devil horns on the top that say "Demonoid", and playing Marilyn Manson CDs the whole time.

Author's Note

tell me what you thought. I think its worthy to note that I actually love Twilight, which is what made this all the more necessary.

Reviews

[Madison-Paige]

I would've laughed out loud if I still showed emotion. But I'm laughing internally.

[Phantom.Bite]

Officially the best thing I have read on here. :D

[Sld0208]

I totally get this. I love/hate twilight because the books are decent, but the acting is horrible. Number 5 is my favorite.

[RachelReaper]

thank ya for your comment!

[de_maruf]

Aspects of institutions

Although individual, formal organizations, commonly identified as "institutions," may be deliberately and intentionally created by people, the development and functioning of institutions in society in general may be regarded as an instance of emergence; that is, institutions arise, develop and function in a pattern of social self-organization, which goes beyond the conscious intentions of the individual humans involved.
As mechanisms of social interaction, institutions are manifest in both formal organizations, such as the U.S. Congress, or the Roman Catholic Church, and, also, in informal social order and organization, reflecting human psychology, culture, habits and customs, and encompassing subjective experience of meaningful enactments. Most important institutions, considered abstractly, have both objective and subjective aspects: examples include money and marriage. The institution of money encompasses many formal organizations, including banks and government treasury departments and stock exchanges, which may be termed, "institutions," as well as subjective experiences, which guide people in their pursuit of personal well-being. Powerful institutions are able to imbue a paper currency with certain value, and to induce millions into cooperative production and trade in pursuit of economic ends abstractly denominated in that currency's units.[citation needed] The subjective experience of money is so pervasive and persuasive that economists talk of the "money illusion" and try to disabuse their students of it, in preparation for learning economic analysis.[citation needed]

[RachelReaper]

uh... this is the second time you've posted this under my "reviews". If you have something to tell me like that, please message that to me, but don't leave it under my "reviews" please and thank you.

[Emily Feret]

2. Slapping Alice in the face and asking if she "saw that one coming".

That was one particularly enjoyable! made me laugh!

[RachelReaper]

thank ya!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

I am always your fan Rachel, your writing style is over the top and fabulous. Brilliant write as always.

[RachelReaper]

thank you!!! That seriously means a lot.

[The dark story]

i haven't watch this thing because i don't ewhy but i find it boring but what you have written here is really truly honestly and totally funny and awesome..hey you know what Rachel..i find you really cooooool!! you are awesome!!

[RachelReaper]

thanks :) I think your really cool and awesome, too. Also, I love your profile pic.

[The dark story]

No need for thanks…that is why we are here for…and thanks for the compliment but I know I am very stupid!!

[RachelReaper]

stupid?! How could you say that to yourself?! If your a writer, in my book your the farthest thing from stupid there is.

[The dark story]

see now you have to admit it...i couldn't get what you have said there " If your a writer, in my book your the farthest thing from stupid there is."...i should describe myself the way i am!!

[The Analog Kid]

I am so glad I don't watch that stuff, but I love your funny jabs:)

[RachelReaper]

lol thanks analog

[Vincent]

i absolutely lost it at #4...xD

[RachelReaper]

lolz thanks Vincent

[Jessie]

I laughed so hard XD
#5 lol

[RachelReaper]

lol thanx