I wanted to tell you

I wanted to tell you what happened to me today

I wanted to tell you about how the cat threw up again

I wanted to tell you that the house got reappraised and its all good

I wanted to tell you Star Trek is coming out in May

I wanted to tell you I took my birthday off from work

I wanted to tell you I am going to paint the house

I wanted to tell you our lawn is full of purple weeds

I wanted to tell you I'm not getting a raise this year

I wanted to tell you I quit smoking for good

I wanted to tell you I started running again

So many things I wanted to turn around and tell you,

but you are gone...

and you no longer care.

Just empty walls and your empty chair.

There is no one left to tell

Reviews

[Chris]

I just revisited your page and went right to this one... Still has "that" bite.

[Siegfried]

Absence is the ultimate pain inducer. What a loss to say goodbye.

This was well done.

[Liderien]

Thank you for your kind words

[Siegfried]

You're welcome.

[ChemicalMadness]

Though this is certainly a piece that can be refined, the stark hopelessness just keeps coming at the reader here. You've conveyed your emotions quite well here and often times its more about getting the rawness out of the way first before you can turn beginnings to splendid end. You've got a good start here. Keep going.

CM.

[Liderien]

Thank you for seeing past the dysfunction of raw writing. Thank you fro your encouragement. I am still afraid to touch this piece. It kinda hurts too much

[ChemicalMadness]

i just read this again....it's really quite powerful. It really made me feel. The value here and the encouragement I would give you is just that you got this down and out on "paper" at all....what I meant to convey is maybe not necessarily a reworking of this piece, perse, but coming back to it and drawing from it when you need to and when you can....because there IS beauty that can come from this much feeling. If that at all makes any sense.

[Liderien]

It makes good sense. Maybe its not supposed to be a great piece, but yes, something for me to come back to, maybe cry a little and let it help me heal. Thank you :)

[Chris]

As a comment - so many feel the silence and search for even echoes.

As a review - would the impact have been more jarring if you only used perhaps just the first two- "I wanted to tell you" (s) and then used indents instead - for the rest? Just a thought.

take care

[Liderien]

yes, it is clearly a very raw writing. I do need to edit it at some point. I had to write it while I was feeling it. Thank you for the suggestion. I will for sure take out the redundancy. and thank you for the warm review

[Chris]

The redundancy as what brought it to my notce... the thought was strong. I just wondered if it would keep the strength of the emotion f after a couple the thought was carried through by indents...let the reader's mind put them in...

[Liderien]

I agree, :)

[Chris]

sorry this keyboard tends to drop letters even IF the keys are tapped hard instead of just touch-typed soft and I still swear I typed is NOT as and lord alone knows where "of repetitions," (after "a couple" ) went.

[Liderien]

lol! thank you for the laugh. I needed that just now. :)

[Chris]

sometimes its all we CAN do...