A Bleak Sight of Hope

Beneath the facade one wears a deceit,

enduring feelings, gratefully received.

Deluded past of one’s failed devotion

was grandly spiced with hidden affection.

Decreed to loathe but refused to do it.

Forbidden to yearn yet firmly seized it.

Existence’s journey on hindered path

was a bleak sight of hope ensconced with wrath.

While fleeing the scene of unwanted rain,

one might look back just to delve in the pain.

Divert one’s zeal from tragic misfortune,

pick up what’s left of one's dying passion.

Send one’s misery to concluding contention.

End one’s torment with satisfying conclusion.

Reviews

[Justin Xavier Smith]

This poem feels a little scattered and confused. I think I can see what you're going for, but the message is hiding under too many flowery words without any meaning behind them. It feels like the poem was written by a thesaurus and not a human with emotions. Plus, there are muddled phrases like the opening one-- "beneath the facade one wears a deceit" -- which doesn't really mean anything. A facade is ALREADY a deceit. So to wear deceit underneath a facade is meaningless.

[Paper Forks]

I wrote this one maybe a month or two after my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. I was suicidal. I wrote a lot in my apartment then.

The opening line was a metaphor for the lies on top of lies my ex was trying to sell me. Nonetheless, I still loved her after the fact.

I can't, and won't, go into any more details to defend my poem.

Thank you for your critical review. Maybe you could give it a second chance now that you know I wrote this one during, which I consider, a very emotional time in my life.

[Paper Forks]

If you need me to spell out the meaning of each and every line for you, I would gladly do it. But that kind of defeats the purpose of using flowery words to express the emotions I was feeling at the time.

[Justin Xavier Smith]

I wasn't trying to attack you. I'm just saying, this poem is clearly more in your head and personal to you than it is to anyone outside your head. And what you were thinking when you wrote it didn't translate. I review the works that I get RRs for the same as I would review anything, ever: honestly and with no knowledge of where it came from or who wrote it. So don't take it personally. Most of us write when we feel pain, and I could tell this came from a place of pain, but the actual source of pain wasn't clear to me. Just saying, don't write off the idea of a rewrite or you're limiting yourself and your abilities.

[Paper Forks]

thank you for the honesty. yeah, i do tend to muddle up my poems most of the time. i tend to rewrite most of the writes i do but this one is too personal and too raw, i think i would leave it as is.

I really do appreciate your honest and critical review. It's a tremendous help in my growth as an aspiring author. And I apologise for any ill-conceived projection I may had flung in your direction.

[Justin Xavier Smith]

I understand completely. Keep writing!!

[Coyote Poetry]

A realistic view in the words. The strong description led to the powerful ending.
"Send one’s misery to concluding contention.
End one’s torment with satisfying conclusion."
The above lines left me with sadness. Are we left with misery and torment only? Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[BeeBev]

Lovely poem with what seems like a lot of emotion carefully hidden within each line. I really like the line:
"While fleeing the scene of unwanted rain,

one might look back just to delve in the pain."

[AaronFreitas]

Very deep message behind this...... very enjoyable to read. Good work on this piece!

[ANTO]

Some would say that any hope - is good hope. In the context of a relationship though both have to want to see the hope for anything to happen - or perhaps one's faith is enough to convince the other.
Its better to have loved and lost...etc
I liked the deep understanding in this and the compassionate undercurrent.
Thank you PF, for the RR.
:)