Fire

Smoke was still coming from the curtains or what were the curtains
I smelled the fabric burning still and I saw the ash fall on the tile floor.

I swear I didn't mean to do it , my hands still were a tint of pink-red "Sawyer are you okay ?"
My older brother Sawyer laid on the tile face down in a pool of blood I saw bubbles so I figured he was fine.

I heard the door unlock and I turned to see my mother and father "I am sorry I didn't mean too Sawyer was being mean an wouldn't give me back the remote ! I'm sorry !" I began to sob
as my mother ran to my brother my after looked at me "I guess it's that time ."

I began to panic "What time ?!" My father put his hand on my shoulder "Ivette it's time you learn the family secret ."

Reviews

[CC Faye]

It's a good start, but I think there are punctuation marks missing, like comma, period and etc. I don't know if this is a short story, but the beginning was good, though you need to extend some ore background about your characters. Also reading this makes me dizzy, and the story is too fast.

[Mayank]

slight punctuation error and spelling mistake, beginning is interesting... I have shelved this in my library and will review each chapter :)

[Kamari's]

Thank you very much it's still a work and profess but I plan to finish it this weekend

[Rene Salinas]

Right so this is just the unfolding and we are thrown into the timeline fairly quick. We are yet to find out involvement and the intricacy of the relationships and really if anything we are shown a lot of action for such a brief opening. There seems to be a haunting level of intensity and at the moment consume by the questions possed. Of course we will continue to read to see how it all unfolds.

Haunting intensity so far.

Thankyou

[Kamari's]

Yes I can not wait to see what you think if the next chapter the hardest part was to write the later chapters

[Rene Salinas]

Oh I will get there I am an avid reader.

[Kamari's]

Tell me how you feel when you are done in the review no or in my inbox I am anxiously waiting :)

[Chris]

In writing - picture the event in your mind. Next slowly walk through it - step-by-step and determine what it is you want to say. Then write your thoughts. Next read them aloud - slowly - really read what you WROTE. Listen, really listen to the words. If you find you have to add a word for things to seem right - do it. If a word feels wrong (for what you meant it to say) then it usually IS wrong and you can replace or remove it. After the changes (edits) reread again - slowly and aloud.

Writing isn't easy and it does take time but you are worth being heard and the time you invest improves your range, vocabulary, AND speaking skills. Sometimes our minds just race and pens, let alone voice recorders, just can't keep up - even our own tongues get tied... but practice really helps.

I read poetry aloud - every time. And stories are meant to be told - now aren't they?

Take care,
Chris

[Kamari's]

Did you not enjoy it?

[Chris]

It is a good beginning. You have characters to flesh out. A backstory to give. Time to grow the plot and bring your story to life.

[Kamari's]

Yes it's coming along

[Wórdsmíth]

Family secret? Sounds thrilling! Here once again, the ending of the write changed the whole concept. You`re seemed quiet impressive with plotting "twists" in your stuffs. The first two lines`ve ripped me off when you wrote, "Smoke was coming from curtains... and then ... "I was the ash falling on the cold floor" .. Such lines`re very deep and full of thrill. I liked the concept, so, I`d like to recommend you to write some more on this chapter "fire". It`s good. Keep on!

[Kamari's]

Thank you so much