The Party

Gwendolyn was scared as she stepped up to doors.
Gwendolyn heard the music booming as she opened the door ,as she walked in she froze and was lost as she looked to see people laughing, dancing, talking, and drinking.

Gwendolyn was snapped out of her trance by a voice "Gwendolyn? Why are you here?" The voice belonged to Nick Lawson ,Gwendolyn smiled " Your sister , Eliza invited me." Nick frowned "Okay that makes sense now , listen Gwen you'll need to leave by midnight, that's when the neighborhood gets bad."

Gwendolyn nodded confused because this was the rich neighborhood. Gwendolyn began to walk into the kitchen hoping to find something non alcoholic drinks.
Gwendolyn was glad to find a can of Pepsi which was her favorite, as she opened the can she felt a hand grab her shoulder.

Gwendolyn turned to see it was her best friend Elmer and he looked angry "Why are you here?" Gwendolyn was taken a back by his tone "Eliza Lawson invited me why? What's wrong with me being here?" Elmer grabbed her wrist and tried to push their way through the crowd "Listen you can not be here."

Gwendolyn was about to question until a tall slender figure appeared in between Gwendolyn and Elmer "Gwendolyn darling how nice of you to show up ." Gwendolyn stepped away it was Eliza she as always was stunning with dark brown hair that feel flawlessly to her shoulders , Gwendolyn was shocked by her presence for some reason.

Gwendolyn smiled "Yeah , thanks so much for inviting me." Eliza smiled "Not a problem Gwendolyn , now my dear you are not leaving so soon are you ?"
Gwendolyn stammered "Well Elmer said I shouldn't be here."

Eliza tisked "Elmer you are not playing fair , you know the rules." Elmer grunted " Gwendolyn is under my protection." Eliza hissed but not in anyway a human wood " I hate you and your race all you people do is put a leash on other Faye races!"

Gwendolyn eyes went wide " Exuse me Faye as in fairies?" Nick appeared beside Eliza laughing "No s**t head , well yes but not us or Elmer and my god not even you , you damned orphan !"

Elmer ran to her and pushed her behind him " Stand down, Nicholas you too Eliza you both know Gwendolyn is of a ancient clan it was not her fault that they choose for her to be raised her ."

Gwendolyn s head spinned, suddenly she felt Elmer pick her up " I will leave with her I am sorry Eliza that you'll have to eat something else." Eliza moved so fast that Gwendolyn only saw a blur of her until Eliza blocked their only exit .

" Elmer , put the Gypsum down she is my prize!" Elmer put Gwendolyn down and picked up Eliza and threw her " It is not right Eliza, and I believe in doing the right thing !"

Elmer picked Gwendolyn up again though this time he whispered in her ear " Mayatoea ." Gwendolyn suddenly felt sleepy and the last thing she saw was Elmer running with her in his arms into the night and a purple house in the distance that somehow appeared out of thin air ."

Reviews

[C. Rose]

STRENGTHS
I like where this plot is going. I like how you showed Gwendolyn's confusion and how you explained the situation through dialogue and not through straight telling.

TECHNICAL EDITS
(wood) should be (would)
(to be raised her) should be (to be raised here)

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT
Telling vs. Showing
Instead of telling me that Elmer looked angry, show me. Is his face red? Is he frowning? Are his fists clenched?
Instead of telling me that this a nice neighborhood, show me. On her way to the party did she see nice lawns and picket fences? Is there an awning over the door? Is the path to the door paved? Are the street lights bright and fancy?

[Kamari's]

Thank you I have been busy with school starting out