Sun and Moon

this is the first screenplay I will have written on a computer to write by my mentors C.Rose and Writer78 and my proofreader Brandy hopefully I make you proud

Scene( A cottage where two newlyweds lay in bed talking their future as a family. Naomi turns to face Carl)

Naomi:" Carl, are you awake?"           

Carl:'' Yes Dear'

Naomi:'' I have something to tell you".

(Carl sits up and looks down at Naomi)

Carl:'' What is it Love?''

(Naomi lays her head in Carl's' lap and looks up at him)

Naomi:'' I am pregnant"

(Carl smiles with joy and kisses Naomi)

Carl:'' How far along are you?''

Naomi:'' Three weeks''.

Carl: " Why did you not tell me sooner?'

(Naomi begins to cry)

Naomi:'' I thought you would leave me in fear of raising a child".

(Carl wipes the tears out of Naomis' eyes')

Carl:'' My love you should not fear"

Naomi:" Why do you say that darling?'' 

(Carl smiles and holds Naomi to his chest)

Carl:" Naomi, You are and have always been since I first saw you  my sun and my moon and now we are to have a child and then my sun and my mom with be complete with the stars to fully complete my universe".

(Naomi smiles and holds Carl tighter)

Naomi:" I love you Carl and our unborn star"

Carl:" I love you too Naomi and our soon to be child and our soon to be complete universe".

Reviews

[Cierra]

The emotion that the character, "Naomi" feels is very much present. The connect between the two characters is very present as well. You've written this well.

The only thing I would change is the reaction Carl has. It was a little bland and plain and there wasn't much of a "reaction." It was very subtle.

Other than that, it was wonderful!

[Kamari's]

I wanted Carl to be the calm and stable one in the conversation and thank you

[melissa]

Amazing screen play keep up the great work and keep sending me more to read i love reading them

[Kamari's]

Thank you and happy easter

[melissa]

Your welcome happy easter to you to

[C. Rose]

Yay separate lines! Very pleasant visually to read.

I love how your characters aren't usually what they appear to be. (Head Shoulders Knees and Toes) (Angels).

While I think you do not literally mean Naomi and Carl are the sun and moon this time, it is a beautiful analogy that shows how much he loves her.

I like the (directions). I can clearly see what is going on without you describing like you would in a story format.

Favorite line is probably "unborn star" because of the mixed meaning of star in the sky and fame.

My one concern is that couples talk about wanting kids or not before their wedding night, usually before getting engaged. Perhaps this is already cleared up in scenes you have yet to share - but perhaps Carl wanted to wait on children, or he could hesitate slightly before the lovely universe analogy in order to give her fear some grounds. Right now Naomi's fear seems out of the blue or unjustified.

Thank you for sharing, they clearly love each other very much.

[Kamari's]

Thank you and yes Naomi fear is unjustified and Carl is the male role that a worried newly pregnant wife need so settle her fears