The Proposal

Poor Adam

The man walked up the stone stairs and was greeted by the mother " she is in the library down the hallway and on your left ". The man was nervousness for he had never been in such a big house and never would of dreamed of marrying such a pretty woman he ha made sure he washed all of the mornings work at the black smiths off if him he dressed in a borrowed brown tuxedo that matched his olive complexion he had combed back his jet black hair and had the look of a warrior with hazel eyes . He carried twenty roses with him and a ring that's worth was more than a private jet , the mother had insisted to buy it and no as the man stood in the library he looked at his future bride curled up onto a window sill and knew she was his ."excuse me my lady I believe you are looking for me down there" Percillia turned and shock sprung to her eyes "I am?" The man chuckled "of course you are I see you look down at the market and smile at the black smiths hut and I am the only one close to your age so yes it is for me" Percillia looked at the tall scrawny man " I am sorry for I have not been thinking of you I do not even know your name". The man smiled " My name is Adam Niel my lady and I promise you I am the man you have been looking for I shall prove it tomorrow!" Before Percillia could speak Adam left and told the mother he would be back the following day to pursue the young woman

Reviews

[melissa]

This is amazing book keep up the great work and keep sending me more to read i love reading them.

[C. Rose]

Excited.

I like that instead of just telling us he is a black smith, you work it in with "made sure he washed all the mornings work at the black smiths off"

a few typos:
"he ha made sure he washed"
"smiths off if him he dressed"
"and no as the man stood"

I like how Adam leaves abruptly to return the next day. This gives Adam a personality/cleverness/plotting/motive - it makes Adam feel real and the reader cares about him more than the earlier versions where it felt like his purpose was to be rejected by Percillia.

Keep it up :)

[Kamari's]

Thank you the ending to the book is called 22 but to understand it you must read the beginning to the end but I am happy you liked and and will continue to work on it