To look (the redue)

A woman who is stuck in dream land

There was a woman named Percillia who had long forgo use blonde hair , oval face, pales skinned, and the eyes the color of grass Percillia was the age of 20 and she was not yet married and being of a wealthy family her mother always begged her to get a suites " Darling, your sister was married last June to a nice man and she is a year younger than you please find a suitor to marry and give me grandchild". Percillia ignored her mother and sat in the window sill of the fourth floor of the mansion looking out onto the farmers market down the road and watching the train pass by sitting in a room full of books old and new on a sill only accompanied by a purple pillow which blended in with the the burgundy word frame of the window and a ash gray blanket that covered her and hit the white marble floor underneath Percillias perch in her house an her outlook onto the town. One day her mother was fed up of waiting on Percillia to pick a husband so she went out and found a man amongst the black smiths who was not burned or crippled by their labor she smiled and looked to the man "what would you say if I promised you everything and all you have to do is marry my daughter?" The man stared at her and agreed the next day he went up to the house the mother had let him in as planned he walked to where Pericillia was perched. He coughed to get her attention though it didn't work "excuse me Madame my name Is Adam Neil and I want to marry you!" Percillia looked to the man and laughed "you and my mother are fools for I am already married" the man looked confused and asked as the mother walked in behind him and asked "who?!" Percillia smiled and said "the king of dreamland of course"

Author's Note

Hi

Reviews

[Rhiuna_Rya]

I think this is an intriguing look into an interesting idea. As in, I would be pulled into the book by this and continue to read to see how this would go. Either, Prescilla's point of view of her kind of dreamland/ the conflict of possibly being thrown into some type of analysis by the people around her meanwhile weaving in her memories. Really nice writing style in capturing the 'classic story telling' theme and then twisting it to lead somewhere completely else. Rather than the usual conflict of her being aghast of being married off and either finding a way out of it or the suitor 'winning' her over during the forced marriage / courtship.

[Kamari's]

Thank you

[C. Rose]

I am glad to see you setting the scene by describing the mansion and showing the conversation.

However, I think the ending in the first version was stronger. I thought the conversation where he insists she has been thinking about him was clever.

I recommend not telling me "it didn't work" before showing me that she rejects Adam.

Breaking the text into paragraphs, especially when there is a character speaking, will make your writing much easier to read format wise.

Thank you for sharing.

[Kamari's]

I can see where you are coming from hmm all I can do is do better thank you for reviewing this story will be turned into a book soon though