A thin line..

My personal opinion on the courage it takes to both live, and to die.

Ask me to pick a thought and I won’t know how to reply with an answer that isn't ‘I don’t know’. My mind is never quiet, never empty, but never full. How does that work? I always feel so empty, numb, but I know there are a million thoughts controlling, swamping my head, leaving no room for silence.

The most frequent question I get asked is, ‘do you really want to die?’. To me, living and dying are separated by extremely thin lines. If you make the choice to end your life, within seconds, minutes, being alive, has turned to death, emptiness, peace and complete freedom. I’m currently sitting on the thin line between the two, I don’t want to live, yet I’m so terrified of dying. Ask me to justify being alive with 3 valid reason, I’ll struggle, ask me to justify dying with 3 valid reason, I’ll tell you within seconds. This is how I know, with every day that passes; my line is doing nothing other than reducing in size, running out. Does that scare me? Yes, it does, it terrifies me in fact, but it’s not something that you can just switch off. Although the line between living and dying is, to me, very slim, I believe there’s a big line dividing the thought process of ending your life, and decision to end your life. To so many people out there, committing suicide is an act of cowardliness. To all those people, you will never quite understand the courage it takes to progress from thinking of suicide, to completing it and successfully ending your life. I sit for hours on end crying, thinking, wishing I was dead, but I do not have the courage to pursue the need to die. Yes, it is easier to die, to end your life when it gets tough, when you see no way out, rather than to fight through it and believe you can come out the other end a happy person, but it is far from easy to experience the need to die and to even contemplate suicide, those who pursue it have given all they've got, they didn't give up at the first hurdle, they tried, and to them, they failed, they see no way out. To me suicide takes guts, guts that honestly, right now, I wish I had, I wish I had the courage to end my life, and it frustrates me that I haven’t, angers me that I’m forced to wake up to struggle through another day, when to me, death, seams so so peaceful and free.

© 2012 Libby Woolacott

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John Stussy

As someone who has had a history of suicidal tendencies AND as one who has lost someone close, I think I have a good deal of perspective (Only perspective, mind. I wouldn't dare call what I've gained as wisdom, for wisdom is never born of fools, and I am definitely a fool.) on the thin line between the two. I've spent the last five years pondering the same questions you have illustrated here in depth, and I hope you don't mind me listing my thoughts here on the topic.

First off, yes it does take courage to end one's life, because of the simple and carnal fear of death that resides in us all. However, that courage is often born from a cowardice, at least from what I've seen. It's born from a fear of dealing with the hardships life tosses at us. Many people would say that because of this the cowardice is the true definition behind the act, for if the fear did not exist the courage to perform the act of ending one's life would not happen. However, I believe that the two cancel each other out completely. In essence, it is not a question of cowardice or courage at all, but a question of consequences. And that leads me to my next point.

Regardless of the debate over whether it is a courageous or cowardly act, there are consequences to suicide. The first, and most blatantly obvious, consequence, is that you'll not experience more of life. It's entirely up to one's own interpretation whether that makes the act worth doing. However, since that is not the only consequence, that alone must not be the deciding factor of one's actions. There is also the consequence of how one's actions affect those they would be leaving behind. They would undoubtedly be hurt by one's actions. They would be hurt and angry over the loss of the individual who took their life. Because of this, more people are hurt over the loss of the one life than the continuation of it.

Now then, because there are consequences for the one choice, there are also consequences for the other as well. Though the people close to the individual will not be hurt, the individual will have to continue to progress through life and deal with the hardships that are brought about by it. Thus the many are served at the cost of the one. Or so the simple mathematical outcome would seem.

My advice to a person seeking to end their life would be to stop and perform only one of the steps of their actions, and that is to obliterate entirely all fear of death. The fear of death is one of the great inhibitors of life, and those who perform the greatest feats in their lifetime are those who do not fear death as an outcome. To conquer the fear of death is to take a gigantic stride in courage that most never manage to accomplish. This is the honorable and strong side of those who are suicidal, and that much at the very least is to be expected.

I would then appraise the individual for their courage, and dare them to take it a step further. While most will never overcome the fear of death, in truth it is a completely moronic fear to have. Death comes for all things that live. It is the one inescapable fact of life, the one constant in the great random equation of existence. Because the individual has overcome the fear that most living beings have, i would say that they are strong, whether or not they believe themselves to be. They have proven it simply by overcoming the fear of the inevitable.

Since the individual is strong, I would dare them to become even stronger. The thing that ought to be feared is the unpredictable nature of life. Since one has made oneself strong, they should prove that strength by becoming great in life. They may now make greater gambles, leap further strides, and do more with what has been given to them. Face the next fear, let's use the fear of romantic rejection or broken hearts as an example, and conquer it entirely. As with the struggle in overcoming the fear of death, it will be difficult and trying. There will be days where it seems like it isn't worth fighting for, to overcome that fear. Perseverance and the strength of willpower alone will enable one to endure, as happened with the struggle over the fear of death. One fights, one is broken, one rests, one comes back to the fight with one less weakness. So it continues, until once again, the strong individual overcomes their fear.

My challenge to you, Libby, is to look at this thin line not as the line between life and death, but the line between fear and courage. All of life is a mental game. Destroy the fear of death, that you may push further in life than you could before, then conquer death itself by living. Use your strength to overpower whatever it is in your life that makes life so hard to live, and become a hero. You have that power within you. It is one thing to be brave. It's another entirely to become fearless. Become fearless, and nothing in the entire world will have the power to stop you, and on that day when death finally comes to collect you you will honestly be able to say that you have lived, you have conquered, and you have fought hard enough to be worthy of the rest and peace that death will one day provide. Earn that peace by living the code of a warrior, and by fighting your battles with honor.

If ever you need someone to talk to, I'm always a willing listener, and I am always happy to help another become stronger. Again, I believe in you. Live. Conquer.

Posted 11 Years Ago

First off, yes it does take courage to end one's life, because of the simple and carnal fear of death that resides in us all. However, that courage is often born from a cowardice, at least from what I've seen. It's born from a fear of dealing with the hardships life tosses at us. Many people would say that because of this the cowardice is the true definition behind the act, for if the fear did not exist the courage to perform the act of ending one's life would not happen. However, I believe that the two cancel each other out completely. In essence, it is not a question of cowardice or courage at all, but a question of consequences. And that leads me to my next point.

Regardless of the debate over whether it is a courageous or cowardly act, there are consequences to suicide. The first, and most blatantly obvious, consequence, is that you'll not experience more of life. It's entirely up to one's own interpretation whether that makes the act worth doing. However, since that is not the only consequence, that alone must not be the deciding factor of one's actions. There is also the consequence of how one's actions affect those they would be leaving behind. They would undoubtedly be hurt by one's actions. They would be hurt and angry over the loss of the individual who took their life. Because of this, more people are hurt over the loss of the one life than the continuation of it.

Now then, because there are consequences for the one choice, there are also consequences for the other as well. Though the people close to the individual will not be hurt, the individual will have to continue to progress through life and deal with the hardships that are brought about by it. Thus the many are served at the cost of the one. Or so the simple mathematical outcome would seem.

My advice to a person seeking to end their life would be to stop and perform only one of the steps of their actions, and that is to obliterate entirely all fear of death. The fear of death is one of the great inhibitors of life, and those who perform the greatest feats in their lifetime are those who do not fear death as an outcome. To conquer the fear of death is to take a gigantic stride in courage that most never manage to accomplish. This is the honorable and strong side of those who are suicidal, and that much at the very least is to be expected.

I would then appraise the individual for their courage, and dare them to take it a step further. While most will never overcome the fear of death, in truth it is a completely moronic fear to have. Death comes for all things that live. It is the one inescapable fact of life, the one constant in the great random equation of existence. Because the individual has overcome the fear that most living beings have, i would say that they are strong, whether or not they believe themselves to be. They have proven it simply by overcoming the fear of the inevitable.

Since the individual is strong, I would dare them to become even stronger. The thing that ought to be feared is the unpredictable nature of life. Since one has made oneself strong, they should prove that strength by becoming great in life. They may now make greater gambles, leap further strides, and do more with what has been given to them. Face the next fear, let's use the fear of romantic rejection or broken hearts as an example, and conquer it entirely. As with the struggle in overcoming the fear of death, it will be difficult and trying. There will be days where it seems like it isn't worth fighting for, to overcome that fear. Perseverance and the strength of willpower alone will enable one to endure, as happened with the struggle over the fear of death. One fights, one is broken, one rests, one comes back to the fight with one less weakness. So it continues, until once again, the strong individual overcomes their fear.

My challenge to you, Libby, is to look at this thin line not as the line between life and death, but the line between fear and courage. All of life is a mental game. Destroy the fear of death, that you may push further in life than you could before, then conquer death itself by living. Use your strength to overpower whatever it is in your life that makes life so hard to live, and become a hero. You have that power within you. It is one thing to be brave. It's another entirely to become fearless. Become fearless, and nothing in the entire world will have the power to stop you, and on that day when death finally comes to collect you you will honestly be able to say that you have lived, you have conquered, and you have fought hard enough to be worthy of the rest and peace that death will one day provide. Earn that peace by living the code of a warrior, and by fighting your battles with honor.

If ever you need someone to talk to, I'm always a willing listener, and I am always happy to help another become stronger. Again, I believe in you. Live. Conquer.

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