Letting go. (last chapter in book)

Last chapter to my book, moving on, stepping forward.

The truth is, I may never be perfect again, I may never get rid of Ana, not everyone does. But that’s not to say it’s the end of the world right?

Ana has been a big part of my life, it destroyed me, but made me strong. Made me realise my talents, my skills, my features. Yes, I will never forget her, everything I’ve been through, maybe I don’t want to, maybe it’s built my future. But for now, all I can do is look forward. I’m on 3 years with anorexia inside me, but right now, I am in a better place than I have ever been within those 3 years. She’s not gone, but I’m dealing with her. I can live with her. That’s something I had to come to terms with, and I am, I’m learning.

My mind is less tense, I’m open, I’m taking things as they come, letting the world guide me, using my experiences to help others, to make a new me. It’s time to let go. Say goodbye to Ana, she’s  been here, she’s still here, and she will always be here, but I’m taking my first step into my life, Libby’s life, not Ana’s, mine, no longer will I let everything I do revolve around pleasing her. Instead, I will start to see what I have around me, my friends, my family, stop taking their care for granted, and show them how much I love them.

This is me saying no, it’s time to stop with the games, it’s time to face things, be brave, and hold my head high.

If there’s one bit of advice I can give to anyone reading that is struggling, it would be to let go. Fighting her was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. It’s not easy, you’re kidding yourself if you think it is. Fighting her, lives up to the saying, ‘it gets worse before it gets better’ because it will, she’ll fight against you, try to change your mind, but when that happens, you know you’re already winning. When she starts to shout, she’s feeling scared, your growing, you’re realising that she isn’t your best friend and she isn’t going to make you happy. That’s not what she wants, but it’s what you have to want. If you don’t stand up to her and let go, she will kill you. It’s as simple as that. No one deserves to die being scared and bullied.

It’s your time. Just like it’s my time. We can all do it together. Take a deep breath, hold on tight, and fight.

Fight for your life, for your freedom.