The fact that the first stanza is bigger than the second stanza says a lot. The first one is the overwhelming feeling as it is the one that is easier to think than the second one as turmoil is a commonality in any one person's life. The contrast between them is great, but the similarity between them is greater. Great job. I think poetry is something you could get into.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Awwwww!! Thank you so much, that means a lot to me. I'm actually working on another poem right now! .. read moreAwwwww!! Thank you so much, that means a lot to me. I'm actually working on another poem right now! I just started it though, so it's going to be awhile before it's finished. :)
8 Years Ago
:) Okay! Sounds good. Can't wait to read it. P.S. I messaged you! Do get a chance to reply, darling... read more:) Okay! Sounds good. Can't wait to read it. P.S. I messaged you! Do get a chance to reply, darling... :)
I suggest to shorten the first line by remove one "have" and move the words around a bit to add another revealing adjective....like
Feelings, why are we cursed with such tormenting things........
You capture so well the state of chaos of the human mind.....roller-coastering up to elation, and then crashing down to utter depression.....and this can happen a few times in the same day!
How about including an analogy or two? It may add some life to your ideas...:)
Don't underestimate the time it takes to write a poem.....those "left-brainers out there takes ages .. read moreDon't underestimate the time it takes to write a poem.....those "left-brainers out there takes ages to finish a poem and fiddle and mess and stretch and whatever....
Challenge yourself with a 60 second acrostic....using the first letters of your name....our minds are just lazy....we need to get it into shape...:)
The fact that the first stanza is bigger than the second stanza says a lot. The first one is the overwhelming feeling as it is the one that is easier to think than the second one as turmoil is a commonality in any one person's life. The contrast between them is great, but the similarity between them is greater. Great job. I think poetry is something you could get into.
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Awwwww!! Thank you so much, that means a lot to me. I'm actually working on another poem right now! .. read moreAwwwww!! Thank you so much, that means a lot to me. I'm actually working on another poem right now! I just started it though, so it's going to be awhile before it's finished. :)
8 Years Ago
:) Okay! Sounds good. Can't wait to read it. P.S. I messaged you! Do get a chance to reply, darling... read more:) Okay! Sounds good. Can't wait to read it. P.S. I messaged you! Do get a chance to reply, darling... :)
Is the glass half full or half empty some might say. You've shown both sides and its up to the reader to decide which they agree with. This is like holding up a mirror and saying, okay, which one are are you?
I enjoyed this piece of yours. I especially liked the last two lines of the first stanza.
To make this even better, add a question mark at the end of the first line and separate the word 'feelings':
Feelings,
why do we have to have the cursed things?
Also, the last line is a bit abrupt. Maybe you should change that?
Nevertheless, the poem is good, particularly since it was written at midnight.
It's so neat how your poem juxtaposes two different sides of the same idea. :) It's interesting how much feelings can change from one moment to the next. But what would life be without its ups and downs? :)