All I Have

EDITED

 

 

I paced the kitchen, stopping every now and then to drum my fingers on the side. I had to talk to Karla to resolve the situation but I doubted she'd even answer the phone. I should have told her that I was drawing again but I didn't. Was I too afraid to admit it? I didn't know. In truthfulness, I didn't know anything anymore. Everything was so messed up these days, they always had been and at this rate they never would be right again. Maybe I was fooling myself that Karla could fill the gap that I had made myself. Maybe no one ever could and I would grow old with no one beside me.

 

The doorbell rang and I practically pounced on the handle, hoping beyond hope that Karla had come back. Unless Karla had had a very quick haircut and sex change, it wasn't her, it was Lucas instead, my agent or whatever he actually does.  He looked oddly cheery for so early in the morning, for him anyway.

 

"Hiya Mate, mind if I come in?" He asked but he was already through the door and heading to the kitchen. I followed him through. "So, hows things?" He obviously hadn't noticed the worry in my face and was too engrossed him pouring himself some coffee.

 

"Not good." I replied.

 

"Why's tha-" He looked at me, "Mate, you look awful."

 

"Thanks."  I said sarcastically. "Karla and I had a fight, well, she did with me anyway."

 

"'Bout what?"

 

I pulled the drawings Karla had discovered earlier from the side and slid them over to him. He flicked through them silently, one by one and his mouth hung open in astonishment.

 

"Well?" I said, intrigued by what he was thinking.

 

"You're drawing again," He looked up at me with raised eyebrows, "that's good, right?"

 

"Yes, but look at who it is." I pointed to the papers.

 

"Well, she's what makes you the unique artist that you are." Said Lucas matter-of-factly.

 

"I know, I know. But I haven't drawn her face in five years, why is she back now?"

 

"Ah, so that's why there's trouble with the Mrs." Lucas grinned. How could he be so happy when I was so frustrated at everything.

 

"She's not my Mrs." I corrected.

 

"Well maybe that's one of the reasons why she's so upset. Marry her." He stated.

 

"I can't do that."

 

"Why not? Do you love her?" Lucas asked.

 

I sighed, "Yes, but-"

 

"But, what?" He interrupted.

 

"But, I'm, well... Well, there's no easy way to say this,"

 

"Well just say it then." Lucas appeared to be growing impatient.

 

"I'm already married." I blurted out.

 

"What?! You're already married?" I nodded, "To whom?" I stayed silent and Lucas looked at the drawings still in his hands. "To her, right? Your married to the girl in all the drawings. So this is who she is, your wife? This mystery girl that no one knows about is your wife?"

 

"She's more then just my wife." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Come with me."

 

I led Lucas upstairs and made him wait outside the locked spare bedroom whilst I retrieved the key from my wallet. I put it in the lock and turned to Lucas, "Are you sure you want to know who she is?" Lucas nodded eagerly like a small child. I opened the door and stepped to one side so that Lucas could see my wife.

 

"So, this is her?" Asked Lucas stepping into the room. 

 

"This is all I have of her, yes." I admitted. 

 

Lucas walked around the room, squinting at photographs in their frames, studying all of the drawings I'd pinned to the walls like wallpaper and touching various scarves and jumpers that were lain over furniture around the room.

 

"Has Karla ever been in here?" Lucas asked whilst still looking at one of the photographs.

 

"Of course not. She gave up asking me questions about this room a long time ago."

 

Lucas turned around and picked up one of the scarves before putting it back on the chair. He picked up one of the photographs and smiled at it.

 

"What was her name?" He asked.

 

I walked over to him from my position by the door and took the photograph from his hands. I stared at it and replied softly, "Anya. Her name was Anya Muccini."

 

"And is that your name, Muccini?" I nodded. "What's your actual name? If you don't mind me asking."

 

"Nari Muccini." I replied

 

"Italian?"

 

"Both of us are."

 

Lucas watched me. "Did she die? Is that why you aren't together, why you have all of her stuff?" He motioned to the whole of the room.

 

"No, she didn't die. Last I knew she was still alive."

 

---

 

After confessing all to Kimberley, I felt tired and made my excuses. Kim looked worried and kept asking if I would like her to come back with me but I lied and said I was fine.

 

I tried to put the key in the lock of my New York apartment but it wouldn't fit in. Over and over I tried but over and over I failed.

 

"Why won't you go in?" I shouted at the key frustrated. I tried again and crumpled to the floor in defeat. Covering my face with my hands I wiped away the tears that had formed and looked back up at the door. Apartment 18. I let out a slightly hysterical laugh and swiveled around on the floor to face the opposite door. I reached up and placed the key in this lock. It fitted and I stood up slowly and went inside apartment 19.

 

I threw my bag on the table and went into the kitchen. My head was killing me and I rummaged around in the cupboards for some paracetemol. I took the packet and a large glass of water into the living room and placed them on the coffee table. Walking over to the full wall cupboard I opened one of the large doors, stood on my very tip toes and retrieved a purple box from the top shelf. I placed it on the table as well and took one of the tablets. I sighed and lifted the lid of the box to reveal all I had of my past.

 

I took sip of my water and picked up a drawing Nari and I had once drawn together. It was copied from a photograph and Nari had drawn me on one side and on the other side was a bad sketch I had done of him. It made me laugh seeing his great talent alongside my dismal attempt. I remember he had told me it was amazing, a true likeness but I had just rolled my eyes and gave up on trying to explore my artistic career.

 

I looked back into the box and saw the original photograph. In the photo, Nari was seventeen and I was only sixteen. We were sat on a deserted beach, our hair everywhere in the strong sea breeze...

 

---

 

"So you were childhood sweethearts, huh?" I nodded. Lucas pointed to the photo in my hands. "Where's that one from then?"

 

It was of Anya and I at a deserted beach, our hair everywhere in the strong sea breeze...

 

 

Author's Note

Recently edited in the grand rewrite!
So....what do you think?

Reviews

[Adeline]

this is soooooo good!

[-Aurelia Mirella]

Okay...I am officially in love with this story now that I know both characters share my heritage. :]

As for the chapter, I LOVE how both of the characters are doing the same thing but because of different people and events. It really makes the story flow nicely.

Can't wait for the next chapter!!!!

Always,
-Aurelia Mirella