Decayed Wings

He asked me if it hurt when I fell from heaven

And it wasn't a charming question

My wings were set ablaze

As I crashed through the Earth's atmosphere

Each feather plucked with painstaking vulgarity

I grasped at moons and galaxies

In a desperate attempt

To slow my blazing descent

And the burns still smoke

My scarred back still smoldering 

There went my ignorant purity

As a gritty harsh reality was thrust upon me

"You should know. 

You pushed me."

Reviews

[BlackPrince]

This is such a powerful piece you wrote here.
I love the way you start the intro. with a cliche phrase men very often use, thinking that they are charming and sleek, as a pick up line to get into a woman's knickers:
'He asked me if it hurt when I fell from Heaven'

Then using the spiritual, divine connotation of that phrase, in reference to the biblical Fall of Man from Heaven, you completely turn the cliche on its head by tackling and outlining the serious ramification of such 'fall', as the poem grasps and transports the reader to another metaphysical dimension:
'My wings were set ablaze
as I crashed through the Earth's atmosphere,
each feather plucked with painstaking vulgarity,
I grasped at moons and galaxies
in a desperate attempt
to slow my blazing descent...'

From that first line, which is a cheesy and cliche line, you take us all into the approximate truth of our general fall whose effects still affect us to this very day.

Then you sum it up with these words:
''You should know.
you pushed me.''
And thus, the first introduction line and the last two lines completely complement each other, making the poem whole in concept, content and context, with such simplicity and depth and picturesque imagery.

This is a very beautiful, truthful and urgent poem that commands automatic respect.

You certainly should follow your dreams of becoming full fledged teacher and published author.
I am a fan of yours already, with only the first poem of yours that I just read.

YOU ARE A GENIUS THE WORLD WILL KNOW ABOUT.
PLEASE KEEP YOUR ESSENCE AND DON'T LET THE FAME CHANGE YOU.

[Askew]

I am so glad you appreciated this poem, I put a lot of effort into creating a certain atmosphere around it. It was somewhat hard for me to put these feelings into words, and hearing what you have to say about all of it makes me feel incredible.
You ought to be careful when calling me a genius though, I don't want my head getting too big, haha.
I'm so grateful that you liked this piece. I cannot thank you enough.

[Brynne]

I dig this, makes me think of resurrection and s**t hahah

[trying_to_write]

The last two lines are a real punch in the gut right at the end which makes it so much more powerful.

[Mr. Mills]

Sounds like that fall even from heaven

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my goodness, Lexi! such brilliant and exquisite pain and fall ... sheesh! lots of layers in this one says i .. and universal for sure ... all religions have one explanation or another as to our sinful core ;( few have a realistic solution says i! your closing is killer after such a brutal ride ... man! i hardly dare ask "Is it I?" ... real fine poetry for me!
E.

[Alexander Dillon]

The evocative imagery you used in this was amazing. It carries an incredible emotional punch. Thanks for writing.

[Dave]

You portray such powerful imagery. One can easily see your horrible plight.
A very good write.

Take care - Dave

[Frederika]

Decayed Wings
lovely title/ great write

[Carthage Thorne| The Wi..]

This is a very interesting poem. It paints a very vivid image, and gets the idea across but then those last two lines:

"You should know.
You pushed me."

It's like the mic-drop of the whole concept. This could very well be turned into a story, purely based around this poem alone.

[Askew]

I'm really happy you like this poem, I worked really hard on creating that mic-drop effect that you talked about, and I really appreciate you commenting on how it worked for you.

[Carthage Thorne| The Wildcard]

Honestly Lexi, you have the writing style that I believe would be so very moving in either a "Spoken-word" or "Slam" form... I highly encourage that you find those outlets as well and perform some of your works, they would be masterpieces at an "Open-mic Night."

[Askew]

I've always wanted to do something like that, so you don't know how much it means for you to say that. There is a place that I might be able to do that once my schedule calms down.

[Jasnil Chand]

Wow.. Loved it..
The style is different yet elegant