Prologue

"I can't do it, it's too hard," Nala said as she stood in her room staring at a music box that sat on her vanity. "C'mon Nala, you can do it, you have to focus," Caleb said standing beside her. Nala had a nervous look on her face as she continued to stand in her spot, rapidly shaking. Noticing how fearful she was, Caleb gently placed his hands on her shoulders attempting to calm her down. "Nala it's okay. Just clear your mind and focus," Caleb said softly. "But- But- I-" Nala managed to stumble out before being cut off by Caleb. "But nothing! Stop doubting yourself, you can do this. All you have to do is focus," he said in a loud whisper. Still unconvinced by her friend's encouraging attempts, Nala continues to stand there staring at the box appearing to be a bit nervous. He moved from where he was standing and stood in front of her, looking into her eyes preparing to speak. "Listen to me Nala, you can do this. I need you to focus and believe in yourself. Just close your eyes and count to ten, clear your mind. You can do this Nala, I believe in you. Trust me, okay?" Nala continues to look Caleb in his eyes as she nods her head with confidence before a smile appears on her face. "Whatttt? A smile?" Caleb says playfully while laughing. Nala laughs and playfully rolls her eyes, "You are so annoying but I'm ready. I wanna try it again." Caleb pretends to be shocked as he looks at her with his eyes widened. "Alright, I believe in you, let's do this," he says before walking back to his previous spot behind her. He places his hands back on her shoulders before saying something to her. "Nala, I want you to focus on your target. Close your eyes and count to ten before you start. Your mind has to be clear of everything and whenever you're ready, go for it," he said before removing his hands from her shoulders. Nala briefly nods her head before closing her eyes and counting to ten loud enough for her and Caleb to hear. "Okay, I'm ready," she says with confidence. "Focus on absolutely nothing but the box, that's the only thing that matters. You got this," he says before taking a step back. Nala stared at the box that sat on her vanity until that was the only thing she focused on. While keeping her eyes on the box, she slowly raised her hands in the air causing the box to move at the same pace. "That's it Nala, you got it! Now make it come to you, but gently! You have to take your time," Caleb said watching his friend in amazement as she did what he told her. She carefully moved her hands in her direction as the box followed her lead. As the box got closer to her, her hands began to shake uncontrollably and she started to lose strength and control of the box. A shocked look appeared on Caleb's face as he realized what was happening, "Nala move out of the way!" He quickly pushes Nala out of the way as the box misses them and hits the wall, breaking in pieces. Nala had a confused look on her face as she looked around trying to figure out what went wrong. "But- I- I did everything right, my hands started shaking out of nowhere I don't know what went wrong," she said looking at her hands appearing to still be shaken up by what happened. Caleb gently grabbed her hands but before he was able to speak, the two heard footsteps quickly approaching. Both Caleb and Nala looked at the door with fear written all over their faces. Shortly after, the door was forcefully opened and in walks Nala's mother. "Nala, what is going on in here?" she asked looking at her daughter with a concerned and stressful look. "Nothing mom, we were just playing and I accidentally knocked over my music box," she said hoping her mother would believe her. Her mother looked at the broken music box that was on the floor across the room from where it usually sits on her vanity. After realizing what happened, her mother turned and looked at her preparing to speak. "You were doing that thing again, weren't you?" she asked her folding her arms on her chest. "Caleb said in order for me to get better with my magic, I needed to practice. He's only trying to help," Nala said standing up and looking at her mom. "How many times do I have to tell you that boy isn't real and magic is not normal. You have to stop," she said. Nala looked at her with her sad eyes, "But mom, it's who I am, it's apart of me." "Stop it Nala, I don't wanna catch you doing it again and I will not be having this talk with you again, do you understand me?" Nala slowly nodded with a pout on her face. "Now enough of this dinner's ready, let's go," she said grabbing Nala's arm pulling her out of the room towards the stairs. As she is being pulled she turned around and locked eyes with Caleb who stood in the doorway of her room looking at her with sadness in his eyes. Shortly after, Nala turned back around as she was being pulled down the stairs by her mother. Her mother kept a firm grip on her arm as they reached the bottom of the stairs and made their way to the kitchen. She let go of Nala once they entered the kitchen and she made her way to the table, slightly stomping. Her mother noticing her attitude, stopped her before she could sit down. She turned Nala so that she was facing her before kneeling down to her level making sure to keep her intense gaze. "Listen to me, we're only trying to help you Nala. Your father and I want the best for you, and having a normal life is very important. Think about how other people will react to all this talk about magic, especially children," she said looking into Nala's eyes. Nala didn't say anything, she just looked at her mother before looking over at her father who sat at the table reading the newspaper. He briefly looked up from his newspaper and looked back and forth between his wife and daughter before turning his attention back to his paper. Nala turned her attention back to her mother staring at her before speaking. "I don't care about being normal, I want to do magic," she said to her mother. Trying to hide her anger, Nala's mother sighed before gently grabbing her arms trying to find the right words to say. "This is not up for discussion, I don't want to see or hear about magic again. Do you understand me? No more magic!" Nala began breathing heavy and shaking as she stared at her mother with fire in her eyes. "NO!" she screamed causing her mother to be pushed back with full force and the food and dishes that were on the table to fly everywhere. Realizing what she had done, Nala looked around the room at the damage before looking over at her mother who was shaking uncontrollably. Her father who was furious at the incident, slammed the paper down on the table before standing up with pure anger and terror on his face. "D****t Nala! Enough of this, you will stop with this magic charade right now. My word is final, this conversation is over and I don't want to hear about it nor do I want to catch you doing it. Do you understand me?" he asked in a loud and demanding tone. Nala simply stared at the grown trying to avoid her father's glare. When he realized she wasn't going to respond, he became even more furious. "I said "Do you understand me?"" he asked again getting louder. She slowly nodded her head as she began to sniffle and tears fell from her eyes. He walked over to his wife who was still sitting in the same spot on the floor still shaken up. As he helped her up he looked up at Nala who was still standing there crying. "Go on upstairs, I don't want to see you for the rest of the night," he said still upset. She quickly ran upstairs and her bedroom door slammed once she entered the room. Nala got in her bed and proceeded to cry her eyes out. "Nala, it wasn't your fault, you just have to keep practicing and you'll get the hang of it," Caleb said standing by her bed. Nala sat up and looked at Caleb as she continued to sniffle and wipe the tears out of her eyes. "It was my fault and now my parents hate me, they think I'm a monster," she said with a frown on her face. Caleb sat down on the bed and faced her preparing to speak. "You're not a monster Nala and I'm sure they don't hate you. What you have is a gift, something special and they don't understand that, they will never understand and that's okay. It's not meant for them to understand," he said trying to make her feel better. She continued to frown as her sniffling came to an end and her tears were all dried up. "I am a monster and I don't think I wanna do magic anymore," she said in a sad tone. Caleb looked at her with wide eyes before jumping up startling her. "What!? Quit magic? You can't do that Nala, think about everything that you're giving up," he stressed to her. Appearing to still be unsure Nala looked down at her feet that hung off the bed as she shrug her shoulders, "I don't know Caleb, I don't wanna stop but I really hurt my mom and I don't want them to get mad at me again." As Caleb was about to speak, the sound of footsteps approaching Nala's room startled the both of them. The door opened and in walked Nala's parents with stern looks on their faces. Nala kept her head down as she looked at her feet, avoiding eye contact with her parents. "Nala, what you did today was unacceptable and it will not happen again, and if you disobey us there will be serious consequences," her father said in a calm, but angry tone. Nala continued to sit on her bed and stare at the ground as she remained silent. Her parents gave each other a look before turning their attention back to Nala waiting to see if she would respond to her father's demand. Much to their disappointment, Nala did not say a word nor did she take her eyes off the ground. Her father became even more frustrated with her and did not try to hide it. "Nala, answer me! You speak when you are spoken to, do you understand me!?" he yelled. Shaken up by his tone, Nala jumped but continued to stay silent and look down making her father even more angry. He began to walk over to her but is quickly stopped by his wife. "Now that is enough. Nala you will not be seeing the outside of this room. You will sit in here and think about your actions and face the consequences. This family is normal and that is how it will always be, this is the final time we will have this conversation with you. You can continue to sit there and pout but our word is final, don't let it happen again," she said sternly with her arms folded across her chest. "Goodnight. I don't want to hear anything coming from this room nor do I want to see your face," she says before they left her room being sure to cut off the light and slam the door. More tears began to run down Nala's face as she got under her covers and pulled her stuffed animal close to her. She continued to cry until she fell into a deep sleep. "Psst Nala, hey wake up," Caleb whispered as he gently shook her. Nala groaned and turned over on her side ignoring her friend's attempts. Caleb sighed before shaking her again before speaking, "C'mon wake up Nala," he said but Nala didn't move nor did she make a sound. Becoming annoyed, Caleb shook her just a tad bit harder causing her to wake up a bit startled. "Caleb what are you doing?' she asked as she rubbed her eyes and groaned. "Get up, it's time," he said as he pulled her covers back. Nala gave him a confused look as she sat up, "Time for what?" she asked. "Time to practice," he said in an obvious tone as he stared at her. "Caleb I can't. My parents are really mad at me and I could get in serious trouble if I get caught again," she said. "You're not gonna get caught this time. And now would be perfect to try lifting your entire body. Besides, you can't let your parents scare you into not doing what you love. You're better than that Nala," he said.  "I don't know Caleb, I don't wanna get in trouble, she said with fear in her voice. Caleb sighed before responding to her. "You won't get in trouble, I'm here with you, you have to trust me, he said with a serious look on his face. Seeming hesitant at first, Nala reluctantly gave in and agreed to practicing. A smile appeared on Caleb's face as excitement filled his body. " Okay, first you have to get on the floor and lay flat on your back and close your eyes. Keep them closed," he said sternly. Nala followed his instructions and laid on her back as well as closing her eyes. Caleb turned and looked at her bedroom door before returning his attention back to Nala. "Alright, remember you have to clear your mind. You hear nothing, you see nothing. Focus on you and you only, okay?" he asked. "Okay," she said as she laid on the floor with her eyes closed. She took a deep breath before speaking again, "I'm ready," she said with confidence. Caleb bent down beside Nala as he prepared to guide her, "Stay quiet and focus. Let your mind take over and do the work. When you're up in the air, don't panic, just stay calm. This is your first try but you should be fine." Nala nodded before taking another deep breath and ceasing all body movements. "Remember, you have to focus. You hear nothing, you see nothing. Positive thoughts only. I believe in you Nala," Caleb whispered as he watched her carefully. A few minutes after laying there, Nala's body started to slowly rise off of the ground. Caleb's facial expression was both shocked and amazed as she watched her float in the air. "You got it Nala, you're doing it. I knew you could do it," he said with a big smile on his face. While in the air, Nala began to imagine all of the good times causing a smile to appear on her face. Shortly after, she started to see negative images of her parents and other people who made fun of her and her body started to shake. She opened her eyes and screamed as she fell. Noticing what was happening, Caleb tried to save Nala but he was too late. There was a loud thud when Nala hit the ground, Caleb immediately rushed to her side. "Nala are you alright, what happened!?" he asked with a concerned tone. Nala sat there shaking as she tried to talk, "I- I- I don't know, I was imagining good things then things turned bad and I lost control, I'm sorry," she said in a sad tone. Caleb looked at her with compassion in his eyes as he spoke, "It's okay, it wasn't your fault. It was your first time. We can do it again whenever you're rea-" Caleb managed to get out most of what he had to say before being cut off by Nala's door forcefully being pushed open. The two were so distracted by what happened, they didn't notice the footsteps approaching. "What the hell is going on in here!?" Nala's father yelled as his chest heaved up and down. Nala sat up and stared at her father with wide eyes as she continued to fearfully shake. Her mother stood beside him with her arms crossed and an angry look on her face as she waited for Nala to respond. "You hear me talking to you Nala. Answer me!" her father yelled. Nala continued to sit in her spot with the same fearful look on her face. "Nala, answer your father when he is talking to you," her mother said in a low and furious tone. Her eyes shifted to the ground as she prepared to speak. "I- I- I was- just," she said as she tried to explain what happened. Outraged by Nala's poor response, her father ran over to her and grabbed her scaring both her and her mother. "Wait Charles, no put her down," her mother said with a worried look on her face as she ran up behind him putting her hand on his shoulder. "Let go of me Sarah," he said angrily as he jerked his shoulder causing her arm to fall. She quickly stepped back and watched him interact with Nala. "Now you listen to me Nala, you disobeyed us once again and now you must face the consequences. As we stated before, this is a normal family and that is how it will always be. We've gone easy on you for too long and that has come to an end," he said trying to calm his breathing before speaking again. "This will be the final time we do this with you. This magic s**t is dead, this will be the last time we have a run in with you about this and I mean it. Now, do you understand me?" he asked in a sinister tone. Nala didn't say a word, instead she eyed him with anger in her eyes. Noticing her rebel attitude, Charles becomes even more angry and begins to shake her causing her face to be stricken with fear again. "I SAID, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?" he yelled as his grip tightened on her arms and he continued to shake her. "NO!" she yelled causing him to be forcefully pushed back into a table that sat on a wall next to her door. "Oh my gosh, Charles!" Sarah screamed as she ran to Charles' side, "Are you alright?" she asked as she kneeled down to his level. Charles didn't respond he just sat there in shock as he stared at the ground while rocking back and forth. Nala stood in her spot and looked at her parents with anger written all over her face as her chest heaved up and down. Sarah catching on to Nala's look got up from her spot and slowly walked over to her. Once she was right in front of Nala, she looked down at her as an angry smirk appeared on her face. "You are evil, everything about you is evil and we won't tolerate this any longer,' she said sounding frustrated. Nala didn't respond, she just stood in her spot and stared at her mother with a fearless look. Sarah gave a light chuckle before kneeling down to Nala's level, "So you don't have anything to say? Soon you're gonna wish you did have something to say," she said as she got back on her feet and returned to Charles' side. She turned back to Nala and stared at her preparing to speak, "Goodnight Nala, sleep well, you might have a long day ahead of you tomorrow," she said as she chuckled and smirked. Nala continued to stare and stand there quiet watching and reading them. Sarah helped Charles up before leaving Nala's room. As they were leaving, Charles turned around and gave Nala another look before turning back around and slamming the door. Nala quickly got in her bed and pulled the covers over her body. "Caleb, Caleb where are you?" Nala asked while whispering. Not getting a response the first time, Nala looked around as she called for her friend a second time. "Caleb it's okay to come out now," she said continuing to look around. "Hey!" Caleb whisper yelled causing Nala to jump, "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you, are you alright?" he asked looking her over. "Yes I'm fine," she said before pulling him into a tight hug, "But things are about to get bad around here, I can feel it," she said after they stopped hugging. "What makes you say that?" Caleb asked as he sat on her bed. "They were pretty mad this time, madder than before,they were pissed," she said with a sad look on her face. "No matter what, you did nothing wrong, it's not your fault. They can't change who or what you are Nala and you can't let them. So who cares how mad they are or their stupid consequences, you're gonna be okay. And I'll be here to protect you," he said as he gave her an assuring smile, "Now go to sleep, I figured since you're gonna be stuck in your room, we'll have all the time in the world to practice. And this time you won't get caught either," he said as he laughed with her joining him. "Goodnight Caleb, she said as she got comfortable under her covers. 'Night Nala," he said giving her head a playful nudge, "See you in the morning kid." He sat there and watched Nala until she fell asleep and once she was out, Caleb disappeared into the night. The next morning Nala was up early and she was full of excitement. She quickly got dressed and ready for her long day of practicing with Caleb. She went into her bathroom to brush her teeth and once she was done she went back into her bedroom and sat on her bed before she called Caleb. "Caleb, I'm ready," she said with an exciting tone. Minutes after calling for her friend, Caleb appears with a worried look on his face. "Good you're here, I can't wait until we start, I was thinking we should start with-," she said before being cut off by Caleb. "You were right Nala, something bad is happening here," he says to Nala who has a concerned look on her face. "What do you mean? What's going on Caleb?" she asks as fear starts to build up inside of her. Caleb begins pacing back and forth seeming hesitant about what he was going to tell her. Nala walked over to him and stopped him in his tracks, "Tell me Caleb, what's going on?" she asked. Caleb sighed before speaking, "There's some guys downstairs with your parents, they're here for you. They've come to take you," he said in a sad tone. A confused, but concerned look appeared on Nala's face as she tried to make sense of what Caleb was telling her. "But- What- How- How do you know those guys are here for me? What did they say? Did they say they were here for me?" she asked with panic in her voice. "No," Caleb said simply. Nala looked up at him confused, "Well how do you know that they're here for me?" she asked. "I've seen these guys before, I know who they are and where they come from. They're dangerous Nala," he said in a serious tone. "Who are they?" she asked whispering. "These guys, they- they're kinda like soldiers or guards, you know that kinda thing. But anyway, they are given a task, mostly to go pick up people for specific reasons. It's like they've been watching that person and know when to go get them. All they need is the approval from their leader," he said. Nala still confused about their reason for wanting her, still wants to know more, "Who's their leader? And why do you think they want me? I feel like there's something you're not telling me Caleb." Caleb sighs before speaking up, "Well the guys, they-," Caleb said as he was being cut off by Nala's door being bust open. Soon after, several guys stormed in the room with guns in their hand as they searched the room. Nala stood there with fear on her face as she watched in shock not believing her eyes. One of the men grabbed Nala while she was still out of it and prepared to exit the room. "Clear, I got the girl, we can move out," the guy said as he exited the room. "Let me go, get off," Nala said as she hit the man repeatedly. The man had a very tight grip on Nala but that didn't stop her from heating up and freeing herself with the help of her powers. She was able to fight off a few that attempted to grab her until a bag was placed over her head by one of the guys and she was grabbed from behind. She tried to fight the man off but it didn't work, this time Nala was overpowered. "Let her go," Caleb yelled catching the attention of the remaining men that were left in the room. One of the men charged at Caleb but ended up running into the dresser due to Caleb disappearing from his spot. Confused, the man looked around the room only to find that Caleb vanished. Another one of the guys ran over to help the other guy up. "The boss isn't gonna believe that we actually saw him," the guy said as he picked his gun up off the ground. "Well he's gonna be even more pissed that we didn't capture him and this is probably our last time seeing him," the other guy said. "What makes you say that?" he asked as they walked out of the room. The other guy chuckled as he responded, "He's not stupid enough to show up at headquarters," he said. The guy who tried to catch Caleb turned around and gave the room a final look before giving a small chuckle and turning back to face the other guy, "Well if he was here with her this entire time I'm sure he's gonna try something stupid just so he can see her. I wouldn't put it past him but he doesn't realize his little powers are nothing compared to these," he said as he lifted up his gun. The two shared laughter as they made their way toward the stairs. As Nala was being carried down the stairs and out of the house she continued to scream and fight not being able to see a thing. "Mom, dad, help me please," she cried out. The guy who was carrying her stopped once he reached her parents, "You realize there's no turning back after this, too late to change your mind," he said. Charles chuckled as he spoke, "I've waited for this day and it's finally here, I wouldn't dream of turning back. Take her away," he said. As the guy walked out of the door Nala continued to kick and scream, "Help please, somebody help me, help please....."

Author's Note

Enjoy. Please leave comments, I really wanna hear your thoughts.

Reviews

[JayG]

I wish I had better news, but...

I'm assuming that your returns somehow got lost in posting, because as it stands, it's a monolithic block of test, without paragraphing, and unreadable.

But assuming that the original had paragraphing, look at a few lines as they should appear, then what a reader's reaction would be:
- - - - - -
"I can't do it, it's too hard," Nala said as she stood in her room staring at a music box that sat on her vanity.

"C'mon Nala, you can do it, you have to focus," Caleb said standing beside her.

Nala had a nervous look on her face as she continued to stand in her spot, rapidly shaking.
- - - -

Look at the first line. Someone we know nothing about is urging someone who hasn't been introduced to do something unknown. And that raises unanswerable questions:

What does Nala think she's unable to do? The reader has no clue.

Why does she think she can't? Don't know that either.

Where is she in time and space? Unknown.

Who she she as a person. Unspecified.

And, what's going on? No way to tell.

For you the line makes sense because you begin reading knowing who they are, where they are, and what's going on. But to a reader it's meaningless because they lack context. And while you might say to read on and it will become clear, a reader won't. They either have context or they stop reading right there.

But going on to line two:

Who's Calib and what is he to her? There's no way to tell. Nor does a reader know why he's there. So the unanswered questions multiply.

See the problem? You're talking about what you see happening in YOUR mind, without giving the reader that picture. And, you're focused on reporting what's happening, as an external observer. Neither of them can work. Obviously, the reader must have context. But more than that, the reader isn't focused on what's going on, they want to know what the protagonist sees as their most important problem, why, and what they think they need to do. They want to be entertained by being made to feel as if they're living the scene, not hearing about it.

Overall, the problem you face is that in our school days our teachers had not a clue that the writing techniques they were teaching us were meant to help us earn a living, and so were nonfiction business-writing skills, meant to inform, not entertain. But we read fiction to be entertained

And the really bad news is that every one of us, if we're to write fiction as competently as we now write nonfiction, we must acquire the tricks of the fiction-writer's trade. So you're not alone in facing the problem, but still, it is one that must be addressed. The good news is that the solution is as simple as adding those tricks to your toolbox, just as you would those of screenwriting if your goal is to write screenplays, as you said in your bio. In other words, to be a pro you need to know what the pro knows. No way around that.

The not so great news is that while the solution is simple, it isn't easy, because it means learning, and perfecting, an entirely different approach to writing. And honestly, it's a b***h to do because we spent twelve years practicing our nonfiction skills—to the point where we use them automatically—and such habits die hard. Still, the result is well worth the investment of time on your part.

For an overview of the breadth of the issues involved, and what they help you with, I suggest you dig around in the writing articles in my blog. They were written with the hopeful writer in mind.

Then, hit the local library's fiction writing section. It's filled with helpful viewpoints, though my personal suggestion is to pick up a copy of Debra Dixon's, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict, from either an online bookseller, or in hard-copy from Deb's site. It's an easy introduction to the nuts-and-bolts issues of fiction

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/