What are you worth?

I just want to pull my brainstem out

Watching you with that food in your mouth

You’re wasting your time and your life

All over some pre-conceived strife

 

Are you alright?

Please do not fight

It is not worth the pain

I just want you

To make it through

And no longer strain

 

Stop your damn crying you little b***h

It seems your gender has gone and switched

Your dreams mean nothing in your little world

You achieving something? Don’t be absurd

 

Just lie down and float away

It will stop all of the pain

And leave you at peace

Just give in

And commit that sin

And go to the eternal beach

 

You don’t account to anything you weakling

You don’t even think to care one inkling

You are dead to me and all your friends

You really meant nothing in the end

 

That’s it, just come this way

I can end all of your pain

And things will be just grand

You made the right choice

Now follow my voice

Into the promise land

Author's Note

Just a little conversation in ones head

Reviews

[♪GetUse2MyMelodie..]

I like how there's two versions of one's voice in this one since one seems harsher while the other has a more soothing effect though they both still seem manipulative. At first, I thought it was the whole devil vs. angel concept. The whole good vs. bad, depression vs. reasoning, but at the end it's almost as if they agreed with each other? That's what I found interesting. good write.

[Dark Angel]

Damn.... That's harsh.... It's like the greater of two evils, but both end in suicide of some sort.

[Ashley Black]

very good display here i like how when you write you sometimes do the double perspective the light and dark or two different people sort of thing its very good and you are a very good writer nice work

[Ashley.M.E]

sounds to me like someone fighting with them self, as you see in some shows. The angel on one shoulder the devil on the other. Kind of reminds you how you really have to make decisions... also sounds like someone going through depression. Since they seem to hate who they are at certain points in the poem.
It's a good poem, thanks for sharing.

[J.Black]

Geez are you an angry kid or what? You have tons of emotion in this!

[Havatara]

Emotional little conversation in ones head.... The wording was great as far as I can tell, but some of the rhymes seemed sort of forced. Keep writing.

[Chelsea.]

wow, heh, ive kind of had this conversation in my head before.
Very emotional poem.

[universe-explorer]

You have an option to follow. then follow it

[Aldora Sparrow]

Color choice works pretty well here. I wasn't really sure if there were supposed to be rhymes or not and you really have to choose one. If not, try to clear it up a little to avoid those mistakes. If so, format it so that the rhymes are easier to pick out and change some other words and rephrase some lines for flow and rhythm. This is a good foundation, but you need to choose to use rhyme-colored paint or not and patch up some of the holes. Good luck!

[thecoolone52]

yeah i liked the color sceme you chose, red for the mean angry person, and blue for the nice voice or person. Rhyme sceme still a little choppy but better then your last piece I reviewed. Nice work