His True Loves Eyes

Just a poem I wrote in the moment

Say what you will about the flickering flames

The symptoms are heartbeats and shames

I know the answer’s all too near

Yet here I stand with the dark mountaineer

 

Staring at my true loves eyes

Fading low, the time of your life

Reapering my soul was thy

Sitting in the cold, wet light

 

Whispering my soul away

Fainting at the freezing flame

Sickles fall around my mind

The sticks go down the death stream of life

Author's Note

I am aware this is not the most technically perfect poem but it felt right when I wrote it.

Reviews

[MissWordSmith]

hmm... i agree with The Analog Kid.. it was dream like you know.. i could almost see like a dark brownish-black sheen over the whole picture, and you the mountaineer sitting there...
however, i feel this piece was a let down. it could have been better, and i felt like you mind wandered off mid way.
try to re read and re write a little, cuz i know you easily can if you want to.

[The Analog Kid]

PRetty cool, dreamlike, surreal quality to it. Decent.

[Star Wolf]

Feels kinda painful but love is love!

[Chris Lotus]

I pretty much cosine with all else that has been said. If you feel right when you write things, then do so. Writing in the time of feeling is the best time. It even sometimes helps to break writers block. Still, its a pretty decent write and it works for what all was put out..

[JenLyn]

Just write what you feel and who cares what others think??? I like poetry when it's raw and someone spills their soul on the page through the tip of their pen. There's nothing wrong with it, people seem to forget that people write poetry mostly through their emotions and life experiences and tend to discard all of the so called rules, to me there are no rules, it's about you and your feelings so spill them for the world to see!

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

when you feel its right , just do it!!!:)

[NoAirToBreatheXSuffocat..]

short but amazing, and when it feels right, it usualy is!

[Ruth]

Awesome imagery! Technically perfect - who cares if it works lol xx

[Mitch*Dandy]

I see the rhymes keep changing then at the end no rhymes. It was good though. I like it lots! =)

[Libby McKeown]

The images ebb and flow, and the poem has a very surreal quality to it. I like the imagery of the "cold, wet light," and the alliteration in the last stanza. "Reapering my soul was thy" makes no sense whatsoever. The first stanza has a really nice feel to it, then the mention fo the mountaineer kinda threw things off for me. Overall, nice work.