His True Loves Eyes

Just a poem I wrote in the moment

Say what you will about the flickering flames

The symptoms are heartbeats and shames

I know the answer’s all too near

Yet here I stand with the dark mountaineer

 

Staring at my true loves eyes

Fading low, the time of your life

Reapering my soul was thy

Sitting in the cold, wet light

 

Whispering my soul away

Fainting at the freezing flame

Sickles fall around my mind

The sticks go down the death stream of life

Author's Note

I am aware this is not the most technically perfect poem but it felt right when I wrote it.

Reviews

[Ashley Black]

very good write. i love your display of emotion you definitely write some ofmy favorite poetry :) it's a beautiful poem

[Havatara]

I liked how the rhymes weren't exactly rhymes, but were close enough. There's a technical term for that. Shoot. Oh well. It was still a really nice poem, and keep writing!

[MagiCrystal]

Write for you....and only you...it is perfect.. only if you see it that way...Life is a stream that sticks in the long run.. love it ..

[Dev]

I really liked the theme of this write. Really shows how heartfelt it is.
Technically it has some flaws and I'll tel you about that so you can edit it and make it all the more beautiful than it already is-

I know the answer’s all too near ;;; I know that the answer's are all too near
Staring at my true loves eyes ;;; love's
Reapering my soul was thy ;;; Reaping my soul was thy

That's what I think it should be. :)

[Aldora Sparrow]

There are a few awkward places, but it's over all nice. I liked the references to nature and alluding to how love is just a part of nature as life and death. Nice work!

[Wolfe Greytome]

I am gonna agree with you about this not being technically perfect. It is, however, technically sound. You already have a decent piece here - with a little work (especially near the end) you could have one that is excellent.

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I thought it was very nice. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Ecros Lathes]

I like it good job. :)

[Norma M Sutton]

As someone that doesn't really write poetry I can't comment on the technique, but it seems to capture the emotion well.

[Elizabeth]

I love this line:

Sitting in the cold, wet light

I never thought of light as wet before, but it really describes it well.
You have good word choice and ideas, but I feel as though a few of the rhymes are forced. Especially the fourth line. But otherwise this is a great write. :)