Please forgive me....

This is dedicated to someone I hurt

You came back

I was so excited

Exponentially delighted

 

You told me how you were

I listened with delight

Your smile looked so bright

 

We talked for many hours

Dreaming of the day

We would meet and together go away

 

We would go to the beach

Talk and talk

Walk and walk

 

I never want to let you go

Please don’t leave

It would be hard to breathe

 

I know I screwed up

I made a mistake

Now all I want to do is stay awake

 

I want to talk to you

But alas I wait for your return

So that I can express my love and total concern

 

Please forgive me

That is all I ask

I hope I can live up to your task

Reviews

[Tony]

Through avoiding the chance of events like this, I am often very lonely.
Good Poem!

[Queen of Hearts]

this is relatable, I hate that "I really screwed up this time, what do i do?" feeling.

[closed]

Sincerely sentimental, and easy to read, I find this to be a nice introduction to your work friend^^.

-Dream

[Aldora Sparrow]

Wow. I think we all can relate to the "Oh shoot. I really screwed up, didn't I?" feeling. Some of it sounds does sound forced and unnatural. Otherwise, relateable and short. I enjoyed it. Keep it up!

[Wolfe Greytome]

Again, your writing shows flashes of promise. It still feels like you are forcing lines at times, though. If the words don't want to flow, don't make them - set the piece aside and come back to it later.

[JenLyn]

This is a decent write, keep writing :)

[thecoolone52]

yeah, i liked this one better then the friends one, but this one has a better rhyming sceme where theother one had better imagery, this has a more modern feel too

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

I thought this one was better than the last one I read. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Havatara]

It was okay. The wording was garbled and sort of confusing in some places, but we could figure out what you were saying. I think. In any case, it's good and keep writing.

[Libby McKeown]

I really liked the first stanza; in a weird way, it reminded me of Mary Poppins. A lovelorn Mary Poppins. It's touting that universal message of love's fickle nature. The message is ok, if not kinda cliched, but the actual structure needs serious work. The sing-song nature and jarbled wording distract from the poem. Cut some of those words out, and really work in a natural voice so that the poem flows. You know how relaxed conversation between two people ebbs and flows, even sound melodic at times? That's because the we incorporate a natural rhythm when we talk, and I think you should incorporate the same into this work. Thanks for sharing!