Wow. I think we all can relate to the "Oh shoot. I really screwed up, didn't I?" feeling. Some of it sounds does sound forced and unnatural. Otherwise, relateable and short. I enjoyed it. Keep it up!
Again, your writing shows flashes of promise. It still feels like you are forcing lines at times, though. If the words don't want to flow, don't make them - set the piece aside and come back to it later.
yeah, i liked this one better then the friends one, but this one has a better rhyming sceme where theother one had better imagery, this has a more modern feel too
It was okay. The wording was garbled and sort of confusing in some places, but we could figure out what you were saying. I think. In any case, it's good and keep writing.
I really liked the first stanza; in a weird way, it reminded me of Mary Poppins. A lovelorn Mary Poppins. It's touting that universal message of love's fickle nature. The message is ok, if not kinda cliched, but the actual structure needs serious work. The sing-song nature and jarbled wording distract from the poem. Cut some of those words out, and really work in a natural voice so that the poem flows. You know how relaxed conversation between two people ebbs and flows, even sound melodic at times? That's because the we incorporate a natural rhythm when we talk, and I think you should incorporate the same into this work. Thanks for sharing!
My writing is dark. I don't know why, it's just what comes out of me. I love writing and I love reviewing writing so give me all you can. If you want to get to know me, hit me up on facebook :) more..