Chapter 3

This is the third chapter to my book

Cold fills the room, a fog stalking the floor as he steps into his dungeon. He is dragging a staff along the floor, blood dripping, separating the smog. On his face, a calm smile, his muscular chest is drenched in sweat, his breathes heavy.  He forces the rod into the ground with a monstrous thud. He looks around at the many red blotches on the floor, admiring his handy work. He lowers the severed head to the floor, the base of the neck touching the ground. He inspects the area he put on the floor, making sure it is properly cauterized.

He looks at the face and says “don’t worry my dear; your imperfections will be cured soon enough.”

 He slams the head on the tip of the pole; the crunch makes him giggle with excitement.

“I never get enough of that sound” he walks over to a desk with hair cutting supplies “you will be my prized possession.” He looks over his tools, carefully examining which tools he should use. His table is a hairdressers dream; hair extensions, different sized scissors, clippers, brushes, dyeing supplies, and much more spread across this small surface.

 “Should I shave your head like Diana or lengthen it like Natalia?”

He examines the hair of the head, the skin and all its features “Actually your hair and skin seem perfect as is, although this uni-brow is unbefitting of such a gorgeous specimen.” He shaves the brow of the woman to the length of his liking then puts down his tool and leaves, although he cannot help but look back at his previous work. He admires the twelve bodies-less head on staffs that he has “perfected” and smiles with pride. He then slams the large metal door behind him as he leaves.

He walks up the dark, damp stairwell that leads to his basement and enters a contemporary dining room, closing the door to the stairwell. His is preparing his dinner, a freshly cut salad and a fresh glass of fruit juice. He eats it at his bar then walks out of the kitchen. He then goes over to his couch, puts his feet up, his head back and lights a cigar.

He takes a puff and says “Ah, Cuban, nothing like it. Thanks to those Russians cigar purchase, I won’t need to make many sales for a while. It gives me plenty of time to collect more art.” He laughs maniacally. Then he hears the screech of tires.

“Damian Cutler, we have the building surrounded, come out with your hands in the air” yells a police officer.

“NO. NO no no no no no.” His eyes are bulging. He runs to his desk in his bedroom and grabs a 50 caliber desert eagle out of it.  He walks outside the house “taste this b*****d!” he fires at the police. A lone bullet then hits him in the shoulder, he falls. The police then cuff him and force into the back of a car. Swat teams run into his house.

He looks out the window in anger and yells “IF YOU RUIN MY ARTWORK, YOU WILL ALL DIE YOU HEAR ME? DEAD!” The patrol car zooms away.

 

He spends two days in an isolated holding cell. His eyes are full of mania. He then hears the lock to the door turn, the door flies open.

“YOU B*****D!” a large male officer screams as he puts a gun in the face of Damian. “I don’t know how you did it but they are all dead! The officers the swat, they were all murdered!”

Officers have made it into the room and restrain the officer. As he is pulled out of the room, he is seething and crying, he lets out a scream of madness, it can be heard as he is dragged down the hall. Damian lets out a smile. He then pulls a cigar and a match out of his jumpsuit and lights it. An officer sees it and has a look out shock on his face.

“How the hell did you get that in here?” he asks

He lets out a puff and says “because your security sucks. It will take more than this little box to contain me. You have seen the consequences of letting me connect to the outside world.”

His expression is cold, yet he cannot help but let out a smirk as he says “so Bradley how is your daughter?” The officer charges him but is stopped before he can get to Damian.

 

The trial passes quickly, he was found guilty and set for execution. He is sent to the maximum security asylum in a part of Texas, due to the fact that there was no room left for him in any prisons in the area. He is sitting in his cell, staring intently out of his little window. He spent his time waiting, watching, contemplating his death. He then sees a new prisoner being put in the cell next to his. He springs up and looks in awe at the girl being forced into the cell.

“Nurse!” he yells.

“What do you want?” she responds

“You are a coke fiend no?”

She looks at him in shock then scurries to his door. She whispers “how can you tell?”

“I can tell when someone needs a fix. I have some for you but there is one condition, you get me the key to my cell and that lady” he says quietly.

“What do I get?” she says

He smiles “All you can get before I die.”

She smiles “Tell me what to do.”

Reviews

[Ashley Black]

it's a really good idea but it really needs more expanding but i love it none the less i wanna keep reading so you should keep writing :] and expanding more showing less telling more in general but its good :]

[The Perfectionist]

Damnit, beaten to the punch again. Read Writerski's review for my general opinion. Or just reread my review of the previous chapter. Your pacing is all out of sorts, this really should be twice as long as it is, and I honestly have no idea what the plot is or who we're supposed to care about. Not that it's possible. You move too damn fast for us to get to stop and think about any of the characters anyway.

In short, two words: Slow. Down.

[Havatara]

Is this a prequel to the first two? Either way, I absolutely loved it. Maybe the writing itself isn't really my style, but the plot definitely is. Maybe have a bit more descriptions and less spoken words? Either way, it's good. Keep writing.

[Halkhend]

wow tell me when the next ch. is published!!!!

[Norma M Sutton]

The chapter left me feeling like I had been dropped into the middle of the story and wondering just what exactly was going on. Could be a good attention getter or it could lose the reader.

However this could be turned into a interesting story.

[The Analog Kid]

Great ideas here. The plot needs to be just a bit more focused as this is a piece of the whole. Rushing a bit.

[Coyote Poetry]

Chapter is very good. I like the detail and the skill of the conversation. A very good chapter.
Coyote

[P.S I Love You]

Nice Very Good

[HorrorMaster]

very good i like it

[WriterSki7]

Okay; so far so good. Albeit I am wondering if your character has ever fired a 50-cal Desert Eagle. It'd break your arm if you haven't practiced using it.

My fav with the gun though. 50-cal Desert Eagle with high-explosive rounds. *Look Mommy, an anti-tank pistol!

I can't help but feel a little lost. Is there a general plot to this story? Where are we going with this? I recommend a little more work on the story plot. An outline can work wonders here.