little note

driveway love

I wish I could express how beautiful you are to me,

simply, on a little note

so I could keep it in my pocket 

and one day slide it to you 

before stepping out of the car.

I know you don’t understand my handwriting 

still I can’t help 

but think: you are beautiful 

when you squint your eyes.

And oh 

how I love

            your soft frown 

          and the thin line between your eyebrows

                  that lone strand of hair

slightly curling just 

                           above your right temple and I

             

                                                                          love the minuscule mole on your chin and I

                                   

… hurry inside.

Author's Note

Every kind of feedback is welcome.

Reviews

[*]

I like the feelings that drive him as would an engine but yet, lie hidden underneath. I can sense the fear of exposure of his emotions should they get out. This is unique, I've never seen a poem from this perspective before. Nice job.

[Leviari]

thank you very much!!!

[Jade]

intriguing really, I really like this write, found it captivating

[Karmee]

A very nice write here, I enjoyed this

[NotUsinganymore]

Very nice poem. I think in this day and age, people are only focused on themselves and not others. c:

[R.E. Ray]

I imagine your words scribbled on a restaurant or coffee shop napkin, legible or not, she’d treasure it. In a few short lines you created a image of a lovely woman, and how you feel about her. Well done!

[Leviari]

thank you very much!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Indeed you set the scene as you describe being given a lift by someone you secretly admire but dare not tell. It could be a colleague or a driving instructor or just a friend but the protagonist is tongue tied and fantisises about expressing their love only to stop short and feel the frustration. The describing of the freatures of the person gives the impression that close attention is paid to such obsession.

[Leviari]

yes, that's the idea I had in mind. Thank you for stopping by!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i also like the double meaning of the title...he has his "little note" written to her, but also sees himself as of little note to her, she isn't even aware of him.
j.

[Leviari]

thank you for reading! I'm glad you got the references I tried to make!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think the idea of her not understanding your handwriting parallels the idea that the speaker is too shy to express his feelings, but he can write them down and hope to share one day with her, before it is too late.
For now he watches from inside his safe window...just imagining what he would say to her.
j.

[Ted Kniffen]

A very expressive ode to your love...well written...I could picture her in my mind...could see her face, so you expressed your feeling well...the scene played out well.

the only suggestion may be to put a comma at the end of your first line...to make the word simply stand out.

A good write, Leviari

[Leviari]

Hello! Thank you for you correction! You're right, the fist line is way better with the comma :) Thank you for your generous feedback :)