the call

nail biting thirstily driven confusion

no end of smiles could say

 

there's too much fuel in the system

falling sand

any second

muting the silence

for once

for once

for always

forever.

 

all for this phone call

forced,

through smudged lipstick and

whitened teeth

final words

unspeakable and tarnished

condemned and unwritten,

words remained unspoken

up 'till now 'bec-'

 

i thought we were golden

i thought this was finished.

everything was over

and i'm allowed to speak?

impatience ruined the party

and ended the surprise,

you were taught.

hearsay.

one colour left on the palatte

you find, in reverse

not so innovative.

 

3 2 1

countdown

and a shower of sparks.

abberation

your lapse in control

untouchable not unstoppable

delicate, and snaps

and showers us.

to spark the reaction

 

of too much gas in the system

and it's eating up the electricity inside you

from your explosive mentality

you gain

when the sand is falling

and guilt reigns.

Author's Note

Endings aren't my strongest point. I can promise you that.

Reviews

[Alice]

Jasmine Parker, I am proud to congratulate you on the fact that there isn't a single phrase in there which isn't entirely yours. Do you know how rare that is? Not a single ordinary line that might be found anywhere else but in your brain in the entire piece. Wow. I love how you manage to weave the imagery at once delicately and explosively and I reckon I could read it over and over for years and get more from it each time because it's so multilayered. You have got so good at this, seriously seriously good, amazing words, amazing flow and rhythm, amazing imagery, amazingly original. I love you and your brain.

[Hannerr.]

*shakes head*

Too good at this lark, kid.

[[untitled]]

3 2 1
countdown
and a shower of sparks.
abberation
your lapse in control

I love these lines right here, and there is nothing wrong with your ending it sounds fine.

[Sam Summers]

very good. i liked the "words left unspoken" bit. funny, im right now writing an essay about a much, much worse poem called "the call".

ooh, i also loved "impatience ruined the party and ended the surprise"

[Michael Handel]

I'm really liking this PJ. I kind of hummed this...it sounds like it could be a good song. Either way, it's great as is. Keep em coming Miss Pretty Jesus...you're getting sharper and sharper.