Killing Juliet [part of chapter one]

So I know that I said that I wasn't going to post any chapters of my novels on here (on account of people stole them on Quizilla) I'm just putting a small section of chapter one. I'd appreciate any feedback. Thankx for reading! :]

Juliet jolted upright, her hand clutching her chest tightly, feeling the unnatural disjointed rhythm of her heart underneath.

Her chest expelled and she wiped away the perspiration beading across her delicate skin.

The window cackled, the sharp sound of nails on glass entering her ears again.

What was making that noise? As it continued, she caught a glimpse of a dark figure at the left of her window. Her mouth dropped open and she drew in a jagged breath.

“Casper,” she gasped, moving out of bed and pushing on her slippers, “you silly cat!” The calico feline yowled outside, as if responding to her annoyed voice.

She stumbled across the empty house, trying to knock off the stupor which was clouding her mind still, even after the brief fright.

The cat could be heard crying on the front porch, each call more anxious than the next.

Juliet threw the front door open, stepping onto the porch.

Casper, taken by surprise, leapt from the bench he had been stretched out on, to the sidewalk leading towards the driveway. His back arched, and he posed as if ready to sprint.

“Here, kitty, kitty,” she bent down on one knee, attempting to coax the small animal towards her.

The cat arched its back higher, its fur raising on end as it hissed.

Juliet cocked her head to one side, “What’s wr-,” but she was cut off mid word by a strong force. It knocked her sideways and hard against her house.

She screamed.

The sound echoed through the brisk night air. It carried down the street, across the sleeping neighbors lawns, and emptied in her own ears.

The fingers that held her tight moved over her mouth, clamping it shut.

“One more scream, darling, and I will break your neck,” a rough voice cooed from behind.

She froze, every muscle in her body tensing.

“That’s a good girl. Now, why don’t you invite me into your home?” the voice suggested.

Her head tried to nod, but her captors strong hands held her firmly in place.

She inhaled deeply, then took a cautious step forward, towards the front door. She stopped before she could reach for the handle, but only because the strange man had.

“Say, ‘you are welcome into my home. Please, come in,’” he removed his fingers from her lips, only to move them to her throat. He would allow her to speak the words that would please him, and if she chose to scream, then he would snap her thin neck in two. “Hurry, darling. I am impatient and low on time.”

Juliet barely had enough air to choke out the words. Her heart pounded inside of her chest as she parted her lips ever so slightly, afraid to utter the words. A clammy sweat broke across her forehead. Then she repeated his words, “You are welcome into my home. Please, come in,” she sobbed.

She could hear her captor chuckle darkly, and she felt the malice that saturated in his voice.

He reached forward then, opening the front door. He nudged her inside urgently.

“Now, where is the Jewel of Isabella?” he demanded. 

Author's Note

Like I said before, this is just a small section of chapter one of the novel I'm working on, Killing Juliet.
(Description): A ninteen year old girl, Juliet Cory, is kidnapped by the demon Shift. Shift's only goal in life is to find the Jewel of Isabella, a dime sized jem created by the evil Sorceress Isabella, which is said to contain the dark magicks of pure evil. When he traces the jem to the Cory family, he discovers a shard of the jewel in Juliet's ring. When the ring is placed on her middle finger, it creates a map which shows the location of the jem. This causes Shift trouble in many different ways- first he must deal with a sarcastic and whiny human girl, then the arrow on the map only points south.

Reviews

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This is really good. I would like to read more. I am sorry that people stole your idea. I like your characters. This is a great start.

[M_S_Lay]

That was alot of fun. I wanted to read more.
Shift id a great character, but then I always seem to find myself rooting for the bad guy
Great write