not even death will tare us apart

He was slowly fading away.

They said he wouldn't last another day.

He whispered he would always love me.

For always and eternity.

I sat there for a while,

And cried as he died with a smile.

I stayed beside his bed.

Even after the doctor said he was dead.

This boy had long ago stolen my heart.

Nothing could tare us apart.

I looked down at the ring on my finger.

A memory of him that will forever linger.

This wasen't how things were supose to be.

He was supose to grow old with me.

Only the good die younge.

And now my sleepless nights have begun.

But he will forever live in my heart.

Not even death could tare us apart

 

Reviews

[Sheila Kline]

Congratulations on your third place win in the "death" contest. Your message is quite touching, but the use of a spell checker would help you achieve an even higher level of competency as a poet.
Keep writing!

[emmy bon]

Nice.

[s.r.knight]

This was lovely. I could feel the longing riddled throughout the passage. Well done, just change some of the spellings and it'll be phenomenal

[jrPaperheart]

you illustrate a beautiful, solemn picture with your words :) minor spelling corrections needed, but a good read

[Personne]

Wow, this is really truly beautiful. I loved it and the rhyming was awesome! It didn't sound cheesy or forced like some poems do. I could really feel the emotion and the repetition was also a great thing. Some words spelled wrong, but that's really a problem. The emotion is there and that's all I need(:

[Belinda]

Good poem. needs some words corrected. but it was something I could relate to.

[eatmills]

Such a beautifully sad poem. You really painted the scene with your words. Almost perfect had it not been for the spelling. Best ask Santa for a dictionary ;)

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

Wow, Leslie this is truly beautiful! I can somewhat relate if you know what I mean. Haha, only you would know what I'd mean by that too. I have had relationships where I thought I was going to be with him like forever and ever and eternity. Nah, he decides to either cheat or find someone else that's supposely better than me. I really like the last line too! :)

The only mistakes I found were minor, if you don't mind me pointing them out.
The word "tare", should be *tear*
"Wasen't", *wasn't*
"Supose",*suppose*
"Younge",*young*

Ashley Rivers--Dream BIG and you'll win BIG:)

[Krista Weiss]

Wow!! A beautiful poem but so sad!! :( I absolutely love it!!! < 3