Vampire Play Toy

Wrapped in cold metal chains.

She strugles as the blood drips from her vains.

her memories are getting a little hazey.

I guess she has finally gone crazy.

She can still feel his breath on her cheak.

And red eyes that caused her legs to go weak.

She has become the vampires play toy.

The one thing that brings him most joy.

He runs his fingers through her hair.

So much beauty wasted on one girl was not fare.

But now she was all his.

Nothing could get better then this.

The taste of her blood was still on his lips.

He has her wrapped around his finger tips.

Author's Note

I might add more to it later

Reviews

[Lost in Wonderland]

Ooh very dark, haunting and sensual. DELICIOUS! ;D
God bless

[Baby Ricochet]

Good job. I've been sitting on a poem about going on a date with a vampire and doing everything possible to piss her off. I do a lot of funny poems.

[Caradoc]

Greetings from the host of the contest "Of Blood and Eternity".

Interesting, to say the least. Torture, bondage, evil and vampires all wrapped in one little package. I must say I pity the poor girl. It reminds me of a series of vampire tales I read on another site, written by a friend of mine. If I recall correctly, Victor was his name, and he had a penchant for kidnapping, BDSM and eventually, the death of his victims.

Though what you have here isn't bad, I feel as though I cannot fully give you an opinion on its quality or its impact on me. It just seems too incomplete to me, like you ended it on the cusp of something else, something more.

In light of that, I shall end this review.

Thank you for entering my contest.

-Caradoc

[Ella]

I love this! it is absolutely amazing! I don't know if you should add more because you never want to mess with perfection though I'd love to read more!
Wonderfully well written.

[Lina Grey]

I think it works well the way it is. You could add more details to flesh it out a bit, but that is up to you. I like the idea of this and the way you switch perspectives halfway through. I noticed a few spelling mistakes, but Ashley caught them all. It's a nice piece, great rhyming and imagery.

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

I like this Leslie, and maybe you could add a little more to it too. That's up to you, don't ask for your audience's opinion when you're satisfied with your work. They can give their opinions but you don't necessarily have to use it either. I think it could maybe use a couple extra lines to it.
Mistakes:
She strugles as the blood drips from her vains.
*She struggles as the blood drips from her veins*

her memories are getting a little hazey
*Her memories are getting a little hazy*

She can still feel his breath on her cheak
*She can still feel his breath on her cheek*
(In the line after this one, vampires-should have an apostrophe since it's showing ownership.) Vampire's play toy*

So much beauty wasted on one girl was not fare(fair)
Nothing could get better then(than) this.

Overrall, you done an excellent job with the imagery and rhyming scheme! :)

Ashley Rivers--Dream BIG and you'll win BIG:)

[Secret Lullaby]

Ok I want yalls opinion...should I add more to it??