A Lifting of Birds

Hard as an empty factory,a sea of glass

eaves brown with rust and first rain

squares of light oblongate through broken panes

as the day creeps, almost a church service

with the soft thrashing of pigeon wings and

shadows across blackened brick

as a oil moon creeps over a battered roof

and a grey steel door bangs an obscure tact

the first cold green starting, newspapers

and plastic bags flattering like shot birds, 

a naked lightbulb swings over an empty chair,

first trace of an evening breeze failing, so

there is little hope here, nothing too much to save

just the idle gathering of soot and distant traffic.

Reviews

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

Your imagery is so vivid. The sadness in this comes from the thought of what that factory once represented, the dreams it fueled, the people and the emotions that once populated it. It is not merely a poem about an empty factory, but so much more... Haunting.
Love the title.

[Renée]

Very descriptive ! I could almost smell it !

[Eric Cox]

Cool job on the imagery, excellent piece.

[Droll Prole]

Brilliant, not only imagery but sounds fill this write.

[r. f. jordan]

to love the distance between little hope and no hope, is to live. this is phenomenal imagery devoid of definitive structure, and yet holds repetition in tone despite the absence of rhyme. i struggle with wanting to change "as a oil moon" to "as an oil moon" i realize that the scene described is slowly creeping away from the organized imprint of humanity. perhaps it is more fitting, therefore, that the poem is beginning to do the same. nice work.

[3110843110843110]

A vision so detailed..

Haunting poetry..

[Stacey Watts]

I love the imagery and the smooth flow to this poem. Very nicely written here.
You can just picture your words.

[Eve]

wow, very descriptive and well written! The way you describe the factory makes it beautiful to me, I can see it in my minds eye, i loved this!

[Wolf's Dark Song]

A spectacular poem! You capture the feeling of emptiness and of things abandoned perfectly with this poem. I really think the imagery in this is outstanding.