A Path In A Closed Night

for W.

Virginal and silent,

unbroken by steps

that would turn

stones into shaken beats.

Alongside brewed growth,

soft layers of life

simple with worms,

nightcloth and grass song.

A stride away from the lights

of distant roads,

the air cools,

we are new under stars.

(This is the picture that

makes me stare holes through the night,

you turn, asleep in your bed,

a cocoon of linen and camomile)

Reviews

[Tina Kline]

After a long journey coming home thought the night its wonderful to find oneself warm in bed with the one they love thinking of what they'd had been doing earlier in the day(night) . Impressive poem. I enjoyed reading your words.

[Coyote Song]

The night brings us closer together but night can mean other things too. A wonderfully written poem with great imagery.

[eglantine]

"we are new under stars." amazing line! I'd end this piece on that, so powerful.

[Leslie Philibert]

Thanks for the review, I tried in the last stanza a shift of perspective, to pull the carpet away from
the reader..does it work ? I`m not sure !

[eglantine]

I see what you are trying to do, but I still think it'd be a stronger poem if it ended on "we are new under stars"

[Valentine]

This is really sweet. One of your best. Valentine

[Leslie Philibert]

Thanks for the kind words, and my best wishes.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

two people, away from it all, closer to each other in the beautiful silence of country...away from the lights and other interferences...the solitude of love enjoyed by two, as one.

j.

[Leslie Philibert]

Not sure about the last stanza, I wanted a kind of afterthought. I`ll think about that. Thanks for looking at this, my best wishes !

[jacob erin-cilberto]

my point of view?
i am particularly fond of the last stanza...especially the last line.

[highonwords]

there is an undercurrent of melancholy and an air of contemplation on silence in this poem...it lifts the heart for a time and buries it deep where it belongs...solitude in perspective...thank you for sharing :)

[Leslie Philibert]

My best wishes, pleased you liked this.

[Emily B]

so musical
the beauty is really intense

[Leslie Philibert]

Thanks for the review, my best wishes to a poet I know well, whose work I admire !