Day Sleeper

for Daniel

Lost out of the picture,

fallen out of life,

cut-eyed shut down

from all the cars and trains

and all this carrying and breaking

and lines of words without spaces.

You breathe softly, regular,

as if in a deep wood,

as paced as a slow piston,

in exile to yourself,

a half life turned inside

as if the strings that

could lift you

hang loose in the sunlight.

Reviews

[Akshay Rawal]

I read it once thinking its about a person in coma. I read it again, thinking its about a daydreamer. It should be about a person who remains aloof from the daily cherished events and does instead what is synonymous to 'sleep'. I am trying to understand this poem

[Valentine]

I do not know of whom you were writing, but you have expressed yourself very well in telling him just what you think. Valentine

[Ken Simm.]

Talking to someone who is still in this life but no longer part of it. This hits notes and creates many different feelings in the reader. A fine, fine piece of work.

[FJ Davis]

Allusions to the comatose; profound melancholy.
Bemoans a virtual, or impending, loss.
Stunning write!
Sorry, Leslie.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"in exile to yourself/ a half life turned inside"

marvelous lines...felt the loneliness and departure from the mainstream of life in this one...

you do it so well, Leslie....i did read first line of third stanza as "breathe"---

the strings hang loose...nothing at the other end...after the giving up...

intense----reminded me of an R.E.M. song.

[Leslie Philibert]

Thanks for the fine review, and I do of course mean breathe ! Changed that !

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This has the tragic and mournful feel of someone in a coma. Someone who once was but suddenly is on life support. You chose words and phrases with such an abstraction but which have deep meaning and feelings and which evoke such amazing images Leslie.

[Leslie Philibert]

As ever, my thanks that you look at my work, my best wishes

[Latifa]

as if the strings that
could lift you
hang loose in the sunlight.
very intriguing lines, I really liked this one , it has a unique sense to it , well Done.

[Leslie Philibert]

Thanks and my best wishes !