Girl At A Bus Stop

a poem I wrote quickly, that needs some work

A white dress

full of winter cherries;

hair curled with frost.

A carried box

tied with string

and legends.

Maybe a modelled

sister,or a ghost

from a playground.

You turn to

circumnavigate

in all this road

and wonder that

this is as

a finger of snow in April.

The sky is hasty

with a flock of clouds,

broody, hanging -

The next day empty ;

just a shape without standing ;

colder. 

Reviews

[MsJewel]

The imagery in this little gem is outstanding. I'm so glad I stumbled upon this today. A delight to read.

Julie

[Prabha Salimath]

Hi you have written it clearly and I can imagine her through your words and I don't think you need to work it more.
I liked it Leslie.

[Neville]

You may well have written 'Girl At A Bus Stop' quickly Mr. P but it is nevertheless quite delightful to read and then mull over. Not sure it needs much work, if any.......

[Leslie Philibert]

Pleased you looked at this, and my thanks.

[Neville]

My pleasure

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This struck me as the protagonist watching a girl alone who looked forlorn and trying to figure her out. Not sure why YOU get rejections when every poem is 100/100 to me!

[Leslie Philibert]

I write a lot, some of it works, some not, but there are are so many betters poets than I writing.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

No Leslie not many at all!

[Master K-tops]

I have to agree! Not many at all!

[Tina Kline]

A very visual poem. I could see the girls standing there.
The imagery and descriptions you use are outstanding.

[Leslie Philibert]

I`m pleased you liked it, especially as you write so well.

[stars are far]

that was very beautiful and the description was amazing. i loved the metaphor of "The next day empty"..
that was well done :)

[Leslie Philibert]

Thanks, and my best wishes.

[Helen Crutchett]

You had me at ...
"A white dress
full of winter cherries;
hair curled with frost."

Wow Leslie, this was beyond 'great'....loved it!

[Leslie Philibert]

Pleased you liked this, thanks.

[Helen Crutchett]

You are welcome Leslie :)

[Ana D S M]

Sometimes people pass by too quickly through our lives and we keep hoping to see them again, somewhere, sometime. Enjoyed very much.

[Leslie Philibert]

Thanks for the kind words

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this reminds me somewhat of one of my favorite movies..."a portrait of Jenny"---
is she a ghost? is she real?

i love the "sky is hasty/with a flock of clouds/ broody, hanging--"

the next day she is gone...and it is cold, and we wonder if she were ever there in the first place.

sometimes the ones that come out quickly do so for a reason...they work as they are.

[Leslie Philibert]

Hallo Jacob, you are always very kind, in contrast to the huge number of recjects I get when I send
my work off.Thanks for looking at this, and my best wishes.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i am not just being kind, i really like your work...it is deep and filled with imagery that paints pictures for me...and those rejections...ah yes, had many myself.
best one i ever got, although i didn't feel it at the time, was one word written in quotation marks--"Nope"---
that was it...i was devastated...i have kept that one in an envelope ever since.
some editors are just not nice...

but when it is good work, it is good work...sometimes our poetry just doesn't suit an editor's taste...doesn't mean it's not good poetry, just preference.