Brighton In September

I try to tell a story here...

You traced

A heart in the water

Of a rock pool

In the morning

As we still glowed

From the loving

As milk floats raced

Along the seafront and

Seagulls raided the bins

But later

Time fell into the tide

And when we talked

It became heavily conjunctive 

And we lost it all

Suddener

As we could ever have imagined

Because you never

Knew the difference

Between you

And what you said.

Reviews

[Coyote Song]

A splendid poem. Very imaginative and creative.
I enjoyed the scenes your words painted and the story you tell in this write.
It's a very human story.

[Terpsichore]

Most poets are their own worst critic, but with this poem, you're being a little hard on yourself. It's a good write and I especially liked the third stanza, the picture painted in my mind by those lines was quite vivid. T

[Tina Kline]

Yes, your words and imagery describe a relationship not working well anymore.
I think its excellent work myself.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Having been to Brighton on love's quest I could envisage this so clearly. I still have pebbles from the beach.

This has a saddly reflective melancholy feel to it Leslie. The final stanza is so deeply sad and I have know women who have promised ther earth when it was not theirs to give. As always a well constructed an d presented poem which is very readable.

[Leslie Philibert]

Dear John, thanks for the kind words. I`m not too sure I like this poem much, the idea is not bad, but I should have transported the message in a more subtle way, the imagery is a bit cliched... I am my own critic !