Ghazal

An idea I got from a talented Asian poet. Probably written totally wrongly, but I had a try.

Blond hair mixed with a brazen scarf

Long black leather coat; you ?

Across the darken road a shade

Dissolved like rain on sea; you ?

A shadow through a door of glass

That empty turns in air; you ?

A smile I lost long life ago

The hope to find in pensive straits

So hurt I be and shout at ghosts

A wet eye tricked by loss, not you.

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

wrong or right....those ghosts do trick...and they do wet the eye...and i am really missing my mom these days...but feel her near---she smiled to the end...and i am sure her ghost is smiling too.

jacob

[A. Amos]

Interesting piece of work

[Coyote Song]

I like this. Very different yet understandable poem about loss.

[Gedalya]

Interesting word-play.
I like the whole, seeing if others are qualified for a predisposition in your mind. The sense of longing is strong with this one.

[Leslie Philibert]

If I understand the form correctly, Asian songs about unrequited form , very popular in India and Pakistan. Thanks for the review

[Carolann Dowsett]

Feels like you're looking for something lost. A love? A longing? A deep desire? Either way it's a wonderful mystery.

[Leslie Philibert]

Thanks for the kind words, just wanted to try and write one !

[Frieda P]

I don't know what you mean by totally wrong, but it sounds right to me...not sure which stanza I like best...

A smile I lost long life ago
The hope to find in pensive straits

that one is hopeful in it's essence. Ghazal's are what Rumi & Hafiz wrote right? Just used a quote on my profile from him. I like it Leslie.

[Leslie Philibert]

Thanks for the kind words, if I understand the genre correctly ( and I probably don`t ) they needread moreThanks for the kind words, if I understand the genre correctly ( and I probably don`t ) they need
to have at least five unrhymed couplets, and are about unrequited love.

[Frieda P]

I think you nailed it then Leslie, they love to complicate the semantics of poetry. :-)