Untitled

a bit obscure...

The sun moves above me

but not in an honest way.

The morning smells of burnt mallow.

A thousand windows open as if

someone important will visit ;

but the houses are empty.

Spinning with borrowed eyes the world unframed.

Look at this ;  the cypresses have fled ,

the doors locked again.

Reviews

[SHEEMA HUQ]

obscurely enchanting, methinks

[Valentine]

Not all days are pleasant..and not all life hides behind locked doors..Nice write..Valentine

[Tomi]

I think it being a bit obscure brings out the poetry in this.. The 2nd stanza struck a cord..Loved it..
the sun moves above me
but not in an honest way.... makes me think about those times when my Day doesn't start as bright as i hoped.. Great write!

[Sami Khalil]

A very nice enjoyable read that is thought provoking...Thank you for penning...:)

[外人 (Gaiji..]

Images are so vivid ! Has nothing to envy to haiku literature ;)
Great job !

[Emily B]

some days i have this same feeling, i dreamed it last night, there was something expected, my eyes scanned the horizon, but there was no clue

no ending, no beginning, just that vacant feeling of something

[Becky C Strukamp]

"Spinning with borrowed eyes the world unframed" this line jumps out and says to me, one is looking through eyes lent by God to a world unknown.

A thousand windows open as if
someone important will visit ;
but the houses are empty.

There can be thousands and people yet one can remain lonely

Excellent write!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

This smells like desertion and lonliness expresed with a sad refrain of waking to another empty day. Did you mean to repeat 'are' in the last line of the second stanza and the second line of the third stanza has a typo I think.

[Leslie Philibert]

Hallo John, thanks for the kind words, indeed there was a typo in the second verse. Cypresses is OK, it looks strange but is in fact the plural of cypress ( tree)
I wanted to use it instead of the more clumsy expresssion cypress trees.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Hi Leslie, it was the 'hanging' exclamation mark I was referring to lol

[emmajoy]

Obscurity leaves the reader with a job to do.. and willingly. Wearing my thinking cap, straight as possible. Your description' beautiful yet for some reason i think of a maelstrom of heat capturing space and .. There's a destructive element, a wretched start to a sad finish.

That line, ' The morning smells of bunt mallow' is a haunting one .. now i need to know what that smell is!