Love`s Paine

I just wanted to try this

Have thou not compassion for my sicknesse ?
O fatall desire for your face in heav´n

Behold love`s revenge for my wickedness

That I did treasure you the while

More than God`s starres in moonlit night

Yet I so foolish did not take his heed

And now am punished with great speede

Blinded by visage, and lost of holie light. 

Author's Note

I`m not sure if there is much point in writing like this, a one-off to see if I could get the feeling and the spelling right - a literary exercise. John Donne did it better !.

Reviews

[cartera]

An island of Donne in a sea of lesser well done. (Apologies to Ken Simm)
does there have to be a point in writing something? it is in the head, for some reason, it is almost a duty to put it down on paper - or somesuch. I feel perhaps you are hiding a little behind the ' literary exercise' claim. Something pushed you to write, and to write in this form. Just go with it. Let others do the 'literary exercise' analysis. Plenty will. Just reflect on the strangeness of the voices that impel the writer to write in form and language that she/he is not in everyday connection with. But not too deeply. Just follow them. The owners of these compelling voices are out there. Writers/poets are just conduits. If not, they are conartists.
ATB
Alex.

[Eric Cox]

An excellent write, has strong visual and feeling of sad fate penned, I like the cool old style to this, nice pen upon this piece.

[G!o]

First i fell in love with the language you used in writing this piece. Lovely. Then second i adore your choice of words.."and now am punished with great speede"...i have to admit though it left me yearning for more of it. Beautifully sad writing Leslie...

[Ken Simm.]

A touch of yer actual Donne. Well I never! And Donne done so well as well, (sorry). This fits the period and the feel so well. Excellent job.

[emmajoy]

' That I did treasure you the while ~ More than God`s starres in moonlit night'

There's always a point in emulating the finest and in my book, you're learning amazingly quickly. This is a walk in the brightening shadow of the best, truly is, your phrasing is more than good. Seems a sadness held the pen, a past prompted the words. Truly hope your next post will have more a touch of daffodil bright Wordsworth than Donne.

[Emily B]

how are we to break all the newest boundaries until we have mastered the styles of all those who came before?

[Distant horizons]

I'm no expert but I think you succeeded. Such an eloquent way to portray loss.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Think it worked then. A lovely sad portrayal of having made a mistake and then realised what it has cost. Very poignant to me having just ended a relationship and my ex partner now realising what she has lost. It feels so bad on this side too.