The Gods playground

It's a short poem(?) I wrote some years back. It'll do as an intro to Harlequin.

To surf the swarzchild radius
and frolic in the quantum foam
drive along an accretion disc
and make the singularity our home

We’ll play ‘tag’ across the galaxy
Watch novas from afar
Then rest ourselves watching comets burn
And roast supper on a dying star Please No Javascript="window.status='';return true" Please No Javascript="javascript:yfiOC(2);return false" Please No Javascript="window.status='Expand';return true" /> Please No Javascript="window.status='';return true" Please No Javascript="javascript:yfiOC(-1);return false" Please No Javascript="window.status='Hide';return true" />

Reviews

[Graybeard]

Really good poem. The idea is original and the scientific language is an excellent contrast (not to mention lovely to the ear) to the notion of gods. My only suggestion would be to delete a few of the filler words like "and" and "the," especially at the beginning of lines. These really don't serve a purpose. If you're trying to hold a sentence/thought together simply use a comma.

[Kayla]

This is such an exciting poem. I loved the picture that you formed with your stories and can't wait to read more. Great Write!!

[Barries Girl]

Sounds great to me.
When do we leave ?

[CharlieO]

Great write. Short and powerful.
I love the beautiful imagery you have used - it has a dreamy quality. Your use of rhyme is interesting also - it moves the poem along - echoing the movement of the poem - rhyming is something I find difficult to do at times so its nice to read it being done well. I also felt that your use of alliteration is effect, especially in the opening lines.
I really enjoyed reading this poem, it is different from a lot of the stuff I have read on this site.